Wow. So much has happened in the last 6 to 8 weeks. I have gone from the height of joy and excitement, to the depths of despair. I just haven't really had a chance to blog before now, things have been so busy crazy.
Sometime around the beginning of February, we were approached at church by a young lady that I have known since my days on our church's youth staff. I hadn't seen her for some time, and here she was at church. She was pregnant with her second child, already the single mother of a toddler, and had been looking for an adoptive family for the baby, due in May. She asked us if we were interested.
This was totally God-orchestrated. We were not looking for a baby to adopt at this time, but really felt that God was literally "dropping this into our laps." We had received what seemed like confirmation from others about what God was doing in our lives, how he was blessing us, and even her, at this time. And, what a way to bring one of "my girls" back into my life! So, after going through a week of shock and disbelief, asking her repeatedly if she was serious, calling our social worker, and finding an attorney, we were off and running. The past month and a half have been spent getting ready for our baby!
She had preterm labor a couple of times, and finally, on Friday, March 7, was flown to Billings after her membranes ruptured. The plan was to keep her in the hospital on bedrest and try to keep baby in her for as long as possible, then let him be born there, where the NICU was.
The baby was born on Sunday, March 16. About a week later, she emailed me saying she wanted to keep him. We did not find out that he had actually arrived until almost two weeks later. She has yet to call us and talk to us about her decision.
The past week has been one of the lowest of my life. I have barely had the energy to function, what's more help my children through their feelings about this. What many people who do not understand adoption don't get, is that this is truly like a miscarriage. I think it some ways, it may be worse, as we don't know if or when we will have another chance. We were not looking for a baby at this time, but felt very strongly that God had orchestrated it.
We, however, feel that this may not be over yet. I can't even go into details of the things I have learned over the past week, or the things I suspect, but we believe God is still doing something in birthmom, and in our family. We do not know how this will end, and there is absolutely nothing we can do in the meantime. So, we wait, clinging to His promise, His hand in this situation, trusting and hoping and praying that what he has begun, he will bring to pass. We pray that she will know God in this, have clarity of thoughts even in the midst of her emotions, and see face-to-face and without a doubt the reality of her situation. I know this can't possibly be an easy choice for her. I can't pretend to know how she feels, as I have never had to make such a difficult choice, but I pray that she will make the choice she knows is best for her son, one made out of sacrifice, out of putting his needs above her own.
In the meantime, I try to keep busy, and wait. Wait for God to complete what He has begun, either in our lives, in her life, or both.
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