We go through different seasons of life. Friends change, relationships change. And sometimes, that old stuff that you think you have worked through pops back up.
It's been a hard weekend. Finding out my brother was arrested in connection with an alleged casino robbery was hard enough, not to mention completely shocking. But, then, to come under criticism from another family member over how I responded...No, I have not had a relationship with him for the past several years, although I have tried. It's hard to have a relationship with somebody who doesn't want one with you, especially when there are so many perceived hurts and misunderstandings, so many lies. But, he is still my brother, and I still care about him very much. I have never stopped praying for him, have never treated him any differently than I ever have. The only thing I have done differently is set some boundaries in the beginning, when my first two kids came home, to protect them. This was over five years ago, and since then the boundaries I originally set have not been an issue. My kids love him, have as much of a relationship as can be expected with someone they do not see often.
However, now I have come under criticism for setting those boundaries in the first place, because maybe there was more I could have done in this relationship, and maybe it was perceived as rejection. I feel I have done what I can, and I feel like my children, rightfully, come before my relationships with my siblings, however that may have been perceived in the past. We felt we did what we needed to at the time as parents. We had to set some boundaries in the beginning, until the kids were in a place where they could understand. Too many factors - different culture, language, the isolation of living in orphanages in other countries - played into that decision, and we didn't want them to be afraid of something we could not explain at first. Not an issue anymore, but suddenly, after all this time, somebody has made it one.
Add to that last week's events, and coming under attack for acknowledging that it was my brother in custody and in the news. This was not a judgment or admission of guilt or anything on my part, but I feel as if it has been perceived that way. I feel as if I came under criticism for seeking prayer and support from my friends, that I am not allowed to talk about it or share anything about it. Unfair, irrational, and just plain mean!
The final straw, it seems, are the feelings of criticism from a friend - about my house, how I run my household, how I parent my kids, how I'm too "psychological" when I talk about my kids and this just doesn't seem normal to this person. Ugh, I just can't seem to win! We are just in very different places right now, and in my efforts to try to be understood, the opposite has happened. This person just cannot understand this perspective, and seems to think I am the only person in the world who sees things from this "psychological" perspective. Never mind that that has been my reality with my children, children who have come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect, extreme poverty, as it has been with many other families we know. When it is outside the realm of somebody else's understanding, there is not much that can be done to make them understand, so human nature is to run to the people who do.
I guess all this is just a summary of where I am at right now. I feel misunderstood, disrespected, and not taken seriously. I feel vulnerable and a little lost. Thank God that He understands all, knows all, loves all, accepts all! I know He is still my Source, my Strength, my Understanding, my Peace. I can take my doubts in the midst of these criticisms to Him. I can ask Him to show me where I have been wrong. I know He will show me the areas I need to repent of. And I also know he will show me where I am blameless.
I will not take offense, and I will not take others' offense towards me personally. As long as I am walking in God's will, He will be my Defender and I will be blameless in His eyes.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
What's next?
Well, the situation I wrote about previously is not to be. It was heartbreaking, as I have met these children before and had really hoped that they could be mine. They are still so strongly on my heart! But, I know that God loves them more than any of us ever could, and He has the perfect plan for them.
So, now we move on to seeking what God has in store for our family next.
So, now we move on to seeking what God has in store for our family next.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wondering, Waiting, Listening
God has put some children on my heart that I feel are to be my children, the next to join our family. Unfortunately, we are not at the top of the list for taking these beautiful kids in, as we do not meet all the criteria the decision makers are wanting for a family for these children.
I know that if this is what God has for our family, if these children are to be mine, He can change the hearts and minds of these decision makers.
In the meantime, I pray for them, wondering what will come of this situation; waiting to see God's hand at work once again, listening for what He has for me in this.
The outcome, no matter which way it goes, is in His hands.
I know that if this is what God has for our family, if these children are to be mine, He can change the hearts and minds of these decision makers.
In the meantime, I pray for them, wondering what will come of this situation; waiting to see God's hand at work once again, listening for what He has for me in this.
The outcome, no matter which way it goes, is in His hands.
Entry for December 17, 2008 - "Quit Trying to Figure It Out"
I met with my lay counselor again the next morning. A few days before this meeting, out youth pastor and his wife spoke at church. This was their last day. They spoke again of a crisis of faith and hope deferred. In summary, our youth pastor's wife spoke of how the last few years of their lives God had put her through an olive press. She illustrated how like an olive in the press that you squeeze to get only a little bit of oil, God had been "squeezing" her. It takes pressing many olives to get the olive oil, and it had taken many years for God to bring about the "olive oil" of her life, so to speak. The pressing and squeezing can be very painful. They were now seeing the fulfilling of God promises and visions in their lives. I remember sitting in the back of the church silently weeping. This is where I was in my life in the situation I was in. I felt like God was squeezing me and squeezing me, but there was so little coming out, and I did not know where He was taking me next. My heart was breaking all over again.
This time when I met with my lay counselor, I shared this with her, and that I felt maybe God wanted something from me, instead of having something for me. As I was getting ready to leave her house that morning, she said that she had a word for me from God. She said maybe God wanted me to quit trying to figure it out.
I laughed, and she responded that this must have struck a cord with me. I confirmed that it did. I had spent the last several weeks trying to figure out what I could have done differently, how the situation could have been avoided, and on and on. God wanted me to quit doing that, to just rest in Him.
So, for the first time in two months, I returned home with a sense of peace I had not felt before. Every time I started trying to figure it out, I would stop myself, give it back to God, and make a conscious, yet difficult, effort to move on. Three days later, the day before Mother's Day, I was at finally at peace.
I awoke that morning feeling like I could finally move on in my life. I still did not know what God had meant by wait, but I could finally rest in His peace, knowing that He had all the answers, and I could still trust Him with my life and my broken heart. I was ready to pack away the baby things and start my life anew, so to speak.
And then the call came unexpectedly. On the other end of the line was a voice I had not heard for two months. "Can you come get him? I can't do this." I could go into all the details of what happened next, the trip to her home to pick him up, the conversations that pursued, but it all ended with the answer to what God meant when he said to wait.
It was the day before Mother's Day, and I had my baby boy in my arms at last. He was almost two months old, but ironically it was the week of his due date. She signed the papers four days later, and it was done.
God fulfilled His promise in this, at just the moment He had always intended to fulfill it. And He had done some work in me that has left me forever changed in my faith and how I see things, and how I hear from Him.
We had a few more ups and downs in our relationship with birthmom before we were able to get to a place of reconciliation, but at this point that relationship has been healed in ways I could not have imagined. I can only give credit for that to God.
In the end, He did what He said, not in the way I expected, but in the way He needed to for me to grow. I could not have written this chapter in my life so well.
Don't we serve an awesome God?
This time when I met with my lay counselor, I shared this with her, and that I felt maybe God wanted something from me, instead of having something for me. As I was getting ready to leave her house that morning, she said that she had a word for me from God. She said maybe God wanted me to quit trying to figure it out.
I laughed, and she responded that this must have struck a cord with me. I confirmed that it did. I had spent the last several weeks trying to figure out what I could have done differently, how the situation could have been avoided, and on and on. God wanted me to quit doing that, to just rest in Him.
So, for the first time in two months, I returned home with a sense of peace I had not felt before. Every time I started trying to figure it out, I would stop myself, give it back to God, and make a conscious, yet difficult, effort to move on. Three days later, the day before Mother's Day, I was at finally at peace.
I awoke that morning feeling like I could finally move on in my life. I still did not know what God had meant by wait, but I could finally rest in His peace, knowing that He had all the answers, and I could still trust Him with my life and my broken heart. I was ready to pack away the baby things and start my life anew, so to speak.
And then the call came unexpectedly. On the other end of the line was a voice I had not heard for two months. "Can you come get him? I can't do this." I could go into all the details of what happened next, the trip to her home to pick him up, the conversations that pursued, but it all ended with the answer to what God meant when he said to wait.
It was the day before Mother's Day, and I had my baby boy in my arms at last. He was almost two months old, but ironically it was the week of his due date. She signed the papers four days later, and it was done.
God fulfilled His promise in this, at just the moment He had always intended to fulfill it. And He had done some work in me that has left me forever changed in my faith and how I see things, and how I hear from Him.
We had a few more ups and downs in our relationship with birthmom before we were able to get to a place of reconciliation, but at this point that relationship has been healed in ways I could not have imagined. I can only give credit for that to God.
In the end, He did what He said, not in the way I expected, but in the way He needed to for me to grow. I could not have written this chapter in my life so well.
Don't we serve an awesome God?
Entry for June 26, 2008 - "What Do You Want?"
So, I met with my friend, who felt that I needed some short-term counseling, which I agreed with. She was going to take some time to pray and seek out who that should be, then let me know. In the meantime, God was still working on my heart.
I had been praying this whole time for God's will to be done, for reality and clarity for all involved. The morning after this meeting, I was in the shower, praying the same way I had all along, when I very clearly heard God's voice.
"What do you want?"
My not-so-spiritual response (with a nervous laugh): "What? You know what I want."
Not good enough. His reply to my heart was, "What do you want? I want you to tell Me what you want, and I want you to speak it out loud, right now."
Okay, I thought, and after only a moment's pause, I did. "God, I want my baby! I want this relationship to be restored. I want reality and clarity for (people involved). And, I want (people involved) to come to salvation." This is how I began to pray daily.
A few days later, I had a name, and I scheduled my first meeting with the young woman whom I would meet with for the next four weeks. The first week, I talked about what I felt God had been showing me in this situation, how He had confirmed it through other people, and that I felt he was telling me to wait, but I didn't know what that meant. I also talked about how I desperately wanted closure, but felt God was saying He wasn’t done yet in this situation. I also talked about how my grief was affecting my relationships with my other children and even my husband. I also shared how frustrating this situation was for me in that normally, God showed me somehow what he was doing in a situation, in me or other people involved, but He seemed to be silent this time, and I felt I was in a crisis of faith.
The night before our meeting a week later, I lay in bed, the stabbing grief fresh in my heart once again. Angry, I cried out to God, "What do you have for me in this?" Then, with a sudden, split-second stab of conviction, I immediately changed my pray. "Or, God, what do you WANT FROM me?"
The next day, I had my answer.
I had been praying this whole time for God's will to be done, for reality and clarity for all involved. The morning after this meeting, I was in the shower, praying the same way I had all along, when I very clearly heard God's voice.
"What do you want?"
My not-so-spiritual response (with a nervous laugh): "What? You know what I want."
Not good enough. His reply to my heart was, "What do you want? I want you to tell Me what you want, and I want you to speak it out loud, right now."
Okay, I thought, and after only a moment's pause, I did. "God, I want my baby! I want this relationship to be restored. I want reality and clarity for (people involved). And, I want (people involved) to come to salvation." This is how I began to pray daily.
A few days later, I had a name, and I scheduled my first meeting with the young woman whom I would meet with for the next four weeks. The first week, I talked about what I felt God had been showing me in this situation, how He had confirmed it through other people, and that I felt he was telling me to wait, but I didn't know what that meant. I also talked about how I desperately wanted closure, but felt God was saying He wasn’t done yet in this situation. I also talked about how my grief was affecting my relationships with my other children and even my husband. I also shared how frustrating this situation was for me in that normally, God showed me somehow what he was doing in a situation, in me or other people involved, but He seemed to be silent this time, and I felt I was in a crisis of faith.
The night before our meeting a week later, I lay in bed, the stabbing grief fresh in my heart once again. Angry, I cried out to God, "What do you have for me in this?" Then, with a sudden, split-second stab of conviction, I immediately changed my pray. "Or, God, what do you WANT FROM me?"
The next day, I had my answer.
Entry for June 16, 2008 - A Crisis of Faith
God gave me the verses I wrote earlier, Psalm 27:13 & 14, towards the end of March. I felt "WAIT" was what he had for me, but I had no idea what that meant. I desperately wanted closure and to be able to move on with my life, but I did not feel released to do that yet.
The first weekend in April was our youth groups' annual Stockholder's Banquet, their biggest fundraiser. Basically, anyone interested commits to buy shares of stock in the youth group, investing in their lives. The students hold a dinner for the "stockholders." We attend this event every year. This year was the last one for our youth pastor of nearly 10 years. He and his family were recently appointed District Youth Directors and moved to Billings. That night at the banquet, he talked about how he had recently gone through a crisis of faith concerning what he believed God had put on his heart, and he mentioned Proverbs 13:12: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." This really resonated with me, as that was what I was personally experiencing. I had felt so sure that this baby was what God had for us at this time. After adopting three older children, I had joked with God that if He had a baby in mind for us, then a birthmom would have to approach us about adoption, as I did not feel we were to pursue adoption of an infant at this time. That was exactly what had happened, others had confirmed this, and I had stepped out in faith, knowing it could fall through, but believing God wanted me to do just that, to step out in faith anyway and prepare for my son. Now, I doubted my own faith and whether I had actually really heard from God in this.
I had begun to feel I had come to that place of closure and being able to move on, but I really struggled all over again that week with my own grief over this loss. I also begin to resent my older kids, not because I don't love them so much my heart hurts, but because I had missed the infancy stages in their lives. I guess I was grieving that loss, too, in a way, while grieving this little baby - all the years I missed with them. I desperately wanted the personal experience of raising a baby from the beginning, of knowing a child from the moment of birth. It seemed God had promised to fulfill that desire at this point in my life, only to take it away. I knew I needed some help during this time of grieving, so I did something that was very difficult for me to do - I called someone for help. I called a good friend of mine who leads a lay counseling ministry through our church and set up an appointment. That was the very beginning of God's healing of my heart and maturing of my faith once again.
The first weekend in April was our youth groups' annual Stockholder's Banquet, their biggest fundraiser. Basically, anyone interested commits to buy shares of stock in the youth group, investing in their lives. The students hold a dinner for the "stockholders." We attend this event every year. This year was the last one for our youth pastor of nearly 10 years. He and his family were recently appointed District Youth Directors and moved to Billings. That night at the banquet, he talked about how he had recently gone through a crisis of faith concerning what he believed God had put on his heart, and he mentioned Proverbs 13:12: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." This really resonated with me, as that was what I was personally experiencing. I had felt so sure that this baby was what God had for us at this time. After adopting three older children, I had joked with God that if He had a baby in mind for us, then a birthmom would have to approach us about adoption, as I did not feel we were to pursue adoption of an infant at this time. That was exactly what had happened, others had confirmed this, and I had stepped out in faith, knowing it could fall through, but believing God wanted me to do just that, to step out in faith anyway and prepare for my son. Now, I doubted my own faith and whether I had actually really heard from God in this.
I had begun to feel I had come to that place of closure and being able to move on, but I really struggled all over again that week with my own grief over this loss. I also begin to resent my older kids, not because I don't love them so much my heart hurts, but because I had missed the infancy stages in their lives. I guess I was grieving that loss, too, in a way, while grieving this little baby - all the years I missed with them. I desperately wanted the personal experience of raising a baby from the beginning, of knowing a child from the moment of birth. It seemed God had promised to fulfill that desire at this point in my life, only to take it away. I knew I needed some help during this time of grieving, so I did something that was very difficult for me to do - I called someone for help. I called a good friend of mine who leads a lay counseling ministry through our church and set up an appointment. That was the very beginning of God's healing of my heart and maturing of my faith once again.
Entry for June 16, 2008 - Baby Bug
The waiting was worth it! In God's timing, and in His way, he did bring our little baby boy into our lives. And His timing couldn't have been more perfect! Timothy Isaiah joined our family the day before Mother's Day. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect present!
So much has happened in the last three months in my life. God has been working, and he did bring this about. It has turned out to truly be a miracle that the papers were signed and he is ours. I can't tell the whole story in just one blog entry, but I will start tonight from where I left off previously in this blog.
Entry for April 26, 2008 - Adoption Day...Then...
Four years ago today, we were in a courtroom in Tver, Russia, being granted parental rights of two little blonde-haired, blue-eyed kiddos, then ages 7 and 11. Can't believe it's been that long!
Entry for April 3, 2008 - Waiting...
Psalm 27:13 and 14
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
I don't know what this means right now, but these are the versus God has had for me this week.
And so we wait...
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
I don't know what this means right now, but these are the versus God has had for me this week.
And so we wait...
Entry for March 31, 2008
Wow. So much has happened in the last 6 to 8 weeks. I have gone from the height of joy and excitement, to the depths of despair. I just haven't really had a chance to blog before now, things have been so busy crazy.
Sometime around the beginning of February, we were approached at church by a young lady that I have known since my days on our church's youth staff. I hadn't seen her for some time, and here she was at church. She was pregnant with her second child, already the single mother of a toddler, and had been looking for an adoptive family for the baby, due in May. She asked us if we were interested.
This was totally God-orchestrated. We were not looking for a baby to adopt at this time, but really felt that God was literally "dropping this into our laps." We had received what seemed like confirmation from others about what God was doing in our lives, how he was blessing us, and even her, at this time. And, what a way to bring one of "my girls" back into my life! So, after going through a week of shock and disbelief, asking her repeatedly if she was serious, calling our social worker, and finding an attorney, we were off and running. The past month and a half have been spent getting ready for our baby!
She had preterm labor a couple of times, and finally, on Friday, March 7, was flown to Billings after her membranes ruptured. The plan was to keep her in the hospital on bedrest and try to keep baby in her for as long as possible, then let him be born there, where the NICU was.
The baby was born on Sunday, March 16. About a week later, she emailed me saying she wanted to keep him. We did not find out that he had actually arrived until almost two weeks later. She has yet to call us and talk to us about her decision.
The past week has been one of the lowest of my life. I have barely had the energy to function, what's more help my children through their feelings about this. What many people who do not understand adoption don't get, is that this is truly like a miscarriage. I think it some ways, it may be worse, as we don't know if or when we will have another chance. We were not looking for a baby at this time, but felt very strongly that God had orchestrated it.
We, however, feel that this may not be over yet. I can't even go into details of the things I have learned over the past week, or the things I suspect, but we believe God is still doing something in birthmom, and in our family. We do not know how this will end, and there is absolutely nothing we can do in the meantime. So, we wait, clinging to His promise, His hand in this situation, trusting and hoping and praying that what he has begun, he will bring to pass. We pray that she will know God in this, have clarity of thoughts even in the midst of her emotions, and see face-to-face and without a doubt the reality of her situation. I know this can't possibly be an easy choice for her. I can't pretend to know how she feels, as I have never had to make such a difficult choice, but I pray that she will make the choice she knows is best for her son, one made out of sacrifice, out of putting his needs above her own.
In the meantime, I try to keep busy, and wait. Wait for God to complete what He has begun, either in our lives, in her life, or both.
Sometime around the beginning of February, we were approached at church by a young lady that I have known since my days on our church's youth staff. I hadn't seen her for some time, and here she was at church. She was pregnant with her second child, already the single mother of a toddler, and had been looking for an adoptive family for the baby, due in May. She asked us if we were interested.
This was totally God-orchestrated. We were not looking for a baby to adopt at this time, but really felt that God was literally "dropping this into our laps." We had received what seemed like confirmation from others about what God was doing in our lives, how he was blessing us, and even her, at this time. And, what a way to bring one of "my girls" back into my life! So, after going through a week of shock and disbelief, asking her repeatedly if she was serious, calling our social worker, and finding an attorney, we were off and running. The past month and a half have been spent getting ready for our baby!
She had preterm labor a couple of times, and finally, on Friday, March 7, was flown to Billings after her membranes ruptured. The plan was to keep her in the hospital on bedrest and try to keep baby in her for as long as possible, then let him be born there, where the NICU was.
The baby was born on Sunday, March 16. About a week later, she emailed me saying she wanted to keep him. We did not find out that he had actually arrived until almost two weeks later. She has yet to call us and talk to us about her decision.
The past week has been one of the lowest of my life. I have barely had the energy to function, what's more help my children through their feelings about this. What many people who do not understand adoption don't get, is that this is truly like a miscarriage. I think it some ways, it may be worse, as we don't know if or when we will have another chance. We were not looking for a baby at this time, but felt very strongly that God had orchestrated it.
We, however, feel that this may not be over yet. I can't even go into details of the things I have learned over the past week, or the things I suspect, but we believe God is still doing something in birthmom, and in our family. We do not know how this will end, and there is absolutely nothing we can do in the meantime. So, we wait, clinging to His promise, His hand in this situation, trusting and hoping and praying that what he has begun, he will bring to pass. We pray that she will know God in this, have clarity of thoughts even in the midst of her emotions, and see face-to-face and without a doubt the reality of her situation. I know this can't possibly be an easy choice for her. I can't pretend to know how she feels, as I have never had to make such a difficult choice, but I pray that she will make the choice she knows is best for her son, one made out of sacrifice, out of putting his needs above her own.
In the meantime, I try to keep busy, and wait. Wait for God to complete what He has begun, either in our lives, in her life, or both.
Entry for January 22, 2008
I found out a couple of days ago that I was nominated as the Distance Education Training Council's 2008 Outstanding Graduate for my on-line college, Brighton College. This is the school I took my medical transcription training through. You can check it out on DETC's website:
www.detc.org
Click on the 2008 Outstanding Graduate link on the lower right. I am on page 13.
I received a certificate and four copies of the booklet (the one on the website). It's pretty cool, I think!
www.detc.org
Click on the 2008 Outstanding Graduate link on the lower right. I am on page 13.
I received a certificate and four copies of the booklet (the one on the website). It's pretty cool, I think!
Entry for January 20, 2008
Thought I'd put on a picture of our two dogs. Just got the little girl (on the right) the Monday after Thanksgiving.
Entry for January 07, 2008
Wow, it is amazing to see how far we have come and how much life has changed in the past year. My family, my home, my job have all changed. Even my health has changed. Most of the changes have been good.
Jenalyn has been here now for six months. We are preparing to finalize her adoption, just getting the paperwork done (including the third and final post-placement report) so we can get in to see the attorney and she can schedule a court date. We will also re-adopt Alex and Kati at that time to get them Montana birth certificates. We have never done that and still have only their Russian birth certificates.
We have been in our house now for two months and are enjoying every minute of it! The storage units are empty and everything we own is finally back in our own home in our possession. Unpacking things that have been in storage for the past four years is like Christmas all over again! It's cool finding things you forgot you even had!
I am loving my job! What's not to love? Flexibility in scheduling, being able to work in my pj's, not going out and driving to work in the cold and snow, beimg able to work on things in the house between jobs when it is slow. I love the accounts I am on. I am still doing the ER account I started out with , plus another ER account when they need us (though they haven't for a couple of months now), and the medical office account I have worked on previously. But I am now also doing a psych account. I really enjoy that one best of all, and it pays better. It has been slow over the holidays, but I did help out a lot over Christmas, as most of the MT's on that account were not working over Christmas. This next paycheck will be my nicest one yet! And we are supposed to be picking up, adding another account, this week, so there is supposed to be plenty of work to go around. I am ready for it. I would prefer to be busy, and since I am paid by the line, the more work I do, the better my pay!
My brother Joel is back in the area, living in Livingston. He came by to visit a few weeks ago. It was really nice to see him.
My little brother Ben is still here in Bozeman in the pre-release program. He has his ups and downs, successes and failures. I do not think he is ready yet to totally surrender to God, and utnil he is, he will not succeed in the way God has shown me he will. Ben still has too much pride in the way of really surrendering to God. He has not yet reached the stage of brokeness and nakedness before God that he needs to reach. We just keep praying, knowing that God WILL have his way in Ben, and that He will keep him right where he needs to be until His will is accomplished.
My niece turned a year old on Thanksgiving day. She is an absolute doll and a sweetheart. I wish I could see her, and her mommy, more often than I get to! My nephew is now 7 months old, and since he is here in Bozeman, I do get to see him more often.
Oh, yeah! And we got another dog. This one is a deer-legged chihuahua. We got her the Monday after Christmas, 9 months old at the time. Daphne is very pretty, chocolate brown with tan coloring. She is as affectionate and sweet as Shuba is obnoxious, loud and full of himself. We love both of them, though, and they really get along well. Shuba knew she was here to stay, was very curious, playful, and protective from day one. It took her a little longer to get used to him, though! She is such a timid little thing!
God is still good, still continues to bless us immensely. As we enter a new year, I am hungry to know Him more, to soak in Him, to spend the precious time with Him that I miss. I am excited to see what He has for us this coming year!
Jenalyn has been here now for six months. We are preparing to finalize her adoption, just getting the paperwork done (including the third and final post-placement report) so we can get in to see the attorney and she can schedule a court date. We will also re-adopt Alex and Kati at that time to get them Montana birth certificates. We have never done that and still have only their Russian birth certificates.
We have been in our house now for two months and are enjoying every minute of it! The storage units are empty and everything we own is finally back in our own home in our possession. Unpacking things that have been in storage for the past four years is like Christmas all over again! It's cool finding things you forgot you even had!
I am loving my job! What's not to love? Flexibility in scheduling, being able to work in my pj's, not going out and driving to work in the cold and snow, beimg able to work on things in the house between jobs when it is slow. I love the accounts I am on. I am still doing the ER account I started out with , plus another ER account when they need us (though they haven't for a couple of months now), and the medical office account I have worked on previously. But I am now also doing a psych account. I really enjoy that one best of all, and it pays better. It has been slow over the holidays, but I did help out a lot over Christmas, as most of the MT's on that account were not working over Christmas. This next paycheck will be my nicest one yet! And we are supposed to be picking up, adding another account, this week, so there is supposed to be plenty of work to go around. I am ready for it. I would prefer to be busy, and since I am paid by the line, the more work I do, the better my pay!
My brother Joel is back in the area, living in Livingston. He came by to visit a few weeks ago. It was really nice to see him.
My little brother Ben is still here in Bozeman in the pre-release program. He has his ups and downs, successes and failures. I do not think he is ready yet to totally surrender to God, and utnil he is, he will not succeed in the way God has shown me he will. Ben still has too much pride in the way of really surrendering to God. He has not yet reached the stage of brokeness and nakedness before God that he needs to reach. We just keep praying, knowing that God WILL have his way in Ben, and that He will keep him right where he needs to be until His will is accomplished.
My niece turned a year old on Thanksgiving day. She is an absolute doll and a sweetheart. I wish I could see her, and her mommy, more often than I get to! My nephew is now 7 months old, and since he is here in Bozeman, I do get to see him more often.
Oh, yeah! And we got another dog. This one is a deer-legged chihuahua. We got her the Monday after Christmas, 9 months old at the time. Daphne is very pretty, chocolate brown with tan coloring. She is as affectionate and sweet as Shuba is obnoxious, loud and full of himself. We love both of them, though, and they really get along well. Shuba knew she was here to stay, was very curious, playful, and protective from day one. It took her a little longer to get used to him, though! She is such a timid little thing!
God is still good, still continues to bless us immensely. As we enter a new year, I am hungry to know Him more, to soak in Him, to spend the precious time with Him that I miss. I am excited to see what He has for us this coming year!
Entry for December 20, 2007
Wow, it has been AGES since I was on here! Life got pretty chaotic for awhile. I will do a longer update later, but for now, here is a link to my new Flickr photo site. There are three albums on there currently. I hope you enjoy them!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lfurniss/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lfurniss/
Entry for July 18, 2007 - House Update
Well, finally, an update on our house! Under my photo albums, there is now a second album with more pictures. I took most of these yesterday, though the first few at the beginning are older.
At this point, the rough-in plumbing and HVAC are completed. Dave will start the electrical tonight. The goal is to have that completed by Aug. 1, when we are scheduled to have the power turned on.
At this point, the rough-in plumbing and HVAC are completed. Dave will start the electrical tonight. The goal is to have that completed by Aug. 1, when we are scheduled to have the power turned on.
We do need to be out of our rental condo by Aug. 15. A missionary family who will be here on furlough this summer will be moving into this unit. Since the house will not be completed enough to move into, we will be putting most of our stuff in storage and finding a temporary place to stay. Our move-in goal at this point is the end of August, if things are completed enough for us to move in. There will probably be quite a bit of finish work to do after we move in!
We are not looking forward to moving twice, but we are excited about the progress we are making on the house, though it is going S-L-O-W-L-Y!!!
Keep checking back for pictures and entries from our trip to the Philippines. I will work on that as I can.
Entry for July 12, 2oo7 - Now We Are Five!!!
Okay, I know I keep saying I will try to get on here more often, but things are so hectic right now! We are on a time crunch for finishing the house. Plus, now that our family has changed again, we are all adjusting. I think it is probably hardest at this point for me!
Yes, that is right! Our Jenalyn is HOME! We flew to the Philippines on July 1, returned this past Sunday, July 8. We drove home from Missoula on the 9th. Alex and Kati stayed with family in the Missoula/Polson area, so that is why we flew out of Missoula.
So, now I am getting over jet-lag, learning to parent THREE children, coordinate all the household duties (which are easier with more people to do them!), figure out schooling for next year (the girls will home-school part-time, and we plan to start within a couple of weeks), plus still get time in to work. I am now a paid MT, so the more I work, the more I get paid. I am proud to say, I did meet my 1,000 line goal today!
So, as I get time, I will update my photo albums with house pictures, trip pictures and story, and such. Please bear with me. I haven't quite perfected the cloning formula yet!
Yes, that is right! Our Jenalyn is HOME! We flew to the Philippines on July 1, returned this past Sunday, July 8. We drove home from Missoula on the 9th. Alex and Kati stayed with family in the Missoula/Polson area, so that is why we flew out of Missoula.
So, now I am getting over jet-lag, learning to parent THREE children, coordinate all the household duties (which are easier with more people to do them!), figure out schooling for next year (the girls will home-school part-time, and we plan to start within a couple of weeks), plus still get time in to work. I am now a paid MT, so the more I work, the more I get paid. I am proud to say, I did meet my 1,000 line goal today!
So, as I get time, I will update my photo albums with house pictures, trip pictures and story, and such. Please bear with me. I haven't quite perfected the cloning formula yet!
Entry for May 23, 2007
Wow! I sure did not intend to wait this long to create another entry! So much for doing this on a regular basis!
I'll give a brief update now, then get on as soon as I can again with more details and pictures.
The house: We have one outside wall left on the second floor, then we will begin the roof. Once that is done, things should move along much faster. We do have subs coming in for the inside work, so they can be doing that while we work on siding and the shingles. Our finish goal is August. We will be meeting with our carpenter this weekend to come up with a schedule. Yay! I will post more pictures when I have a little more time.
Jenalyn: We had an awesome, incredible act of provision by God last week. We have the rest of what we need for the remainder of the agency fee (which we thought we had, but our home study fee came out of the funds, so no-go), plus enough for at least one of us to travel to get her. Only one of us has to go, but we are hoping and praying for a little more so we both can. We are trusting God for that! We received a phone call from the agency a couple of weeks ago that Jenalyn will be going in for her medical exam, I believe the last part of the process (visa medical exam), and we should be able to travel next month. This totally caught us by surprise, as we hadn't even sent in the remainder of the fees and paperwork yet. We sent the paperwork and what we had, and now that we have what we need, we are definitely ready to travel next month!
Medical transcription internship: I am plugging away with this. I am not reaching proficiency as quickly as I would like to, and it is mostly because of dumb errors. But I am still working hard at it (the sooner I reach proficiency, the sooner I get paid!). I LOVE it, though! And as I slowly regain my health and energy from being so sick (another story in itself, for another time), I am working more and for longer periods of time.
School is out in 10 days (school days), and then I will get a break. I am looking into temporary, preferably home-based jobs that I can do until I get income from the transcripiton. I am ready for the end to be here, though. Next year, Alex will attend Belgrade High School as a freshman, and Kati will attend Belgrade Intermediate School part-time as a 5th-grader. We are still working out all the specifics of that. As for Jenalyn, we are not sure at this point where she will attend school next year. We will figure that out when she gets here!
And that is it for today's brief summary of our lives!
I'll give a brief update now, then get on as soon as I can again with more details and pictures.
The house: We have one outside wall left on the second floor, then we will begin the roof. Once that is done, things should move along much faster. We do have subs coming in for the inside work, so they can be doing that while we work on siding and the shingles. Our finish goal is August. We will be meeting with our carpenter this weekend to come up with a schedule. Yay! I will post more pictures when I have a little more time.
Jenalyn: We had an awesome, incredible act of provision by God last week. We have the rest of what we need for the remainder of the agency fee (which we thought we had, but our home study fee came out of the funds, so no-go), plus enough for at least one of us to travel to get her. Only one of us has to go, but we are hoping and praying for a little more so we both can. We are trusting God for that! We received a phone call from the agency a couple of weeks ago that Jenalyn will be going in for her medical exam, I believe the last part of the process (visa medical exam), and we should be able to travel next month. This totally caught us by surprise, as we hadn't even sent in the remainder of the fees and paperwork yet. We sent the paperwork and what we had, and now that we have what we need, we are definitely ready to travel next month!
Medical transcription internship: I am plugging away with this. I am not reaching proficiency as quickly as I would like to, and it is mostly because of dumb errors. But I am still working hard at it (the sooner I reach proficiency, the sooner I get paid!). I LOVE it, though! And as I slowly regain my health and energy from being so sick (another story in itself, for another time), I am working more and for longer periods of time.
School is out in 10 days (school days), and then I will get a break. I am looking into temporary, preferably home-based jobs that I can do until I get income from the transcripiton. I am ready for the end to be here, though. Next year, Alex will attend Belgrade High School as a freshman, and Kati will attend Belgrade Intermediate School part-time as a 5th-grader. We are still working out all the specifics of that. As for Jenalyn, we are not sure at this point where she will attend school next year. We will figure that out when she gets here!
And that is it for today's brief summary of our lives!
Entry for April 11, 2007
It never ceases to amaze me how God blesses us over and over again. The last two weeks were somewhat discouraging financially. I was very ill with severe bronchitis or mild pneumonia, depending on which doctor you talk to, and exacerbations from asthma. With all the doctor visits and medications, plus 6 days of missed work (a week after spring break, of course!), that has really impacted or finances. Then the starter went out on the van. Another expense, all hitting at the same time! This on top of the money I was putting into the medical transcription internship I start next week. It's not that we are broke, it's just that everything hit at once, it seems.
But while I was NOT sleeping at night during the time I was sick, God and I had a lot of time to communicate and commune. I did a lot of praying, and I also did a lot of listening. God showed me again that He is blessing us incredibly right now. Everything in our lives is a sign of that. The house is the perfect example. Every little detail and every step of this project has His hands all over it. But the enemy hates seeing God's people blessed, and he is trying desperately to steal our joy.
And in the middle of the discouragement and stress over finances, He once again showed us His perfect plan of surrender and blessings. We surrendered our frustration about the car to Him, and He once again blessed us. We now have the rest of the money to send in the final round of paperwork for our Jenalyn's adoption fees. That means all we have left to raise is travel expenses. But the paperwork, which is the child acceptance portion and the rest of the INS paperwork, will be in, probably within the next week or so.
Our God is AWESOME! He has incredible plans for each and every one of us. It is amazing seeing His plans unfold in our lives.
Oh, yeah, and here's the other cool things of the week. Last Friday, I received a phone call from DONA International. I have been approved for certification. My paperwork should be to me within the next month. I also received my diploma from Brighton College for my medical transcription program. And as I said earlier, I am starting an unpaid internship as soon as I get all my equipment and software, which should come this week.
Surrender to Him, and He will bless you in ways you could never imagine!
But while I was NOT sleeping at night during the time I was sick, God and I had a lot of time to communicate and commune. I did a lot of praying, and I also did a lot of listening. God showed me again that He is blessing us incredibly right now. Everything in our lives is a sign of that. The house is the perfect example. Every little detail and every step of this project has His hands all over it. But the enemy hates seeing God's people blessed, and he is trying desperately to steal our joy.
And in the middle of the discouragement and stress over finances, He once again showed us His perfect plan of surrender and blessings. We surrendered our frustration about the car to Him, and He once again blessed us. We now have the rest of the money to send in the final round of paperwork for our Jenalyn's adoption fees. That means all we have left to raise is travel expenses. But the paperwork, which is the child acceptance portion and the rest of the INS paperwork, will be in, probably within the next week or so.
Our God is AWESOME! He has incredible plans for each and every one of us. It is amazing seeing His plans unfold in our lives.
Oh, yeah, and here's the other cool things of the week. Last Friday, I received a phone call from DONA International. I have been approved for certification. My paperwork should be to me within the next month. I also received my diploma from Brighton College for my medical transcription program. And as I said earlier, I am starting an unpaid internship as soon as I get all my equipment and software, which should come this week.
Surrender to Him, and He will bless you in ways you could never imagine!
Entry for March 18, 2007
Wow, so much has happened here in the last few weeks. I am almost overwhelmed at the thought of it.
I am a graduate! I finished my medical transcription training a few weeks ago. This was an endeavor that took me 3 years to complete. It feels so good to be done, yet a little strange at the same time. Now, I am looking for a job. I am finding that it is hard to find a job if you are a recent graduate. Many companies are hiring, but most of them want experience. I am applying for an internship now. I would feel better about going that route, anyway. It would help build my self-confidence immensely.
I should be receiving my DONA International birth doula certification papers any day now. I submitted the paperwork the beginning of February, and they say to wait 2 full months for certifcation. This endeavor took me about 4 years to complete, so it is also a huge accomplishment, one that I am quite relieved about and proud of. I will have letters behind my name now. Laura Furniss, CD (DONA).
I have been emailing our dear Jenalyn. She already calls us Mom and Dad and asks how she can pray for our "forever family". I am so anxious to go get her, especially now that she knows we are coming for her. I have the next round of paperwork ready to go one it is notarized. Now we just need the rest of the money. We are trusting God to provide, as he did for Alex and Kati, and as He has continued to do in so many areas of our lives. We need $2000.00 for the remainder of the agency fee, and then probably around $3000.00 to $5000.00 for travel. We are focusing on the $2000.00 right now, breaking it up into smaller, less overwhelming amounts.
Dad is doing better after his accident. They came to visit last weekend. Dad is down to one crutch now. My sister was with them, with the baby, of course. She is 4 months old now, and we hadn't seen her since she was about a week old. She is such a beautiful, sweet baby, and Lyneine is such an incredible mother. I am so proud of her!
We have the sub-flooring for the first floor in for our house. The plan and goal is to frame the first floor this coming weekend. I am anxious to be done, especially since we are way behind schedule! And I want to be out of this condo complex, into a place all our own again, quieter and with more privacy.
Life rolls along, and God continues to teach us, guide us, and bless us.
Entry for February 6, 2007 - She Knows!
As of last Thursday, Feb. 1, Jenalyn knows that we are coming for her. She said "Thank you, Lord!" Then she burst into tears.
So, we are officially approved. Before we travel, we must raise the rest of the funds and fill out another pile of paperwork.
So, we are officially approved. Before we travel, we must raise the rest of the funds and fill out another pile of paperwork.
Entry for January 15, 2007
So much going on here! As can be seen by the amount of time that has gone by since my last entry.
We sent our dossier to he adoption agency last week. ICAB (Intercountry Adoption Board) should have it maybe by this week or next, depending on when it gets to the agency and then there. That means soon our girl will know "officially" that we are coming for her! I am nervous, excited, and terrified all at once. I have known for 2 1/2 years that she was to be ours, and it is finally coming to pass. We still need to raise a bit more money for the final agency fee and the travel expenses. We are leaving that in God's hands. He is faithful, and He is the Father of the fatherless, so He will provide, as He has before.
On the house front - we poured our foundation last Monday. We will finish tearing down forms and sealing it this weekend, then the pit gets filled back in. Next step - framing! I will post new pictures as soon as I get them all organized.
I have met all my requirements for birth doula certification through DONA International. I am waiting for one evaluation form and am finishing up my essay. In a couple of months, I should be officially certified. This is a HUGE accomplishment in my life, one that has taken me about 4 years to complete, due to LIFE happening! I am very excited about this!
I am also finishing up my medical transcription training. I hope to be finished with the final Advanced Transcription unit in the next 3-4 weeks. Then I have Career Development, which I think I can do in a week or so. My next goals will be to study for the certification exam and get into a paid internship program.
So many life changes happening, but it is so exciting to see God's blessings in my life and my family's life, and to see His calls upon my life coming to pass.
Because I have learned that it is in the brokeness, in the sense of desperation, in the total surrender to His will and His plans, that I am truly free.
We sent our dossier to he adoption agency last week. ICAB (Intercountry Adoption Board) should have it maybe by this week or next, depending on when it gets to the agency and then there. That means soon our girl will know "officially" that we are coming for her! I am nervous, excited, and terrified all at once. I have known for 2 1/2 years that she was to be ours, and it is finally coming to pass. We still need to raise a bit more money for the final agency fee and the travel expenses. We are leaving that in God's hands. He is faithful, and He is the Father of the fatherless, so He will provide, as He has before.
On the house front - we poured our foundation last Monday. We will finish tearing down forms and sealing it this weekend, then the pit gets filled back in. Next step - framing! I will post new pictures as soon as I get them all organized.
I have met all my requirements for birth doula certification through DONA International. I am waiting for one evaluation form and am finishing up my essay. In a couple of months, I should be officially certified. This is a HUGE accomplishment in my life, one that has taken me about 4 years to complete, due to LIFE happening! I am very excited about this!
I am also finishing up my medical transcription training. I hope to be finished with the final Advanced Transcription unit in the next 3-4 weeks. Then I have Career Development, which I think I can do in a week or so. My next goals will be to study for the certification exam and get into a paid internship program.
So many life changes happening, but it is so exciting to see God's blessings in my life and my family's life, and to see His calls upon my life coming to pass.
Because I have learned that it is in the brokeness, in the sense of desperation, in the total surrender to His will and His plans, that I am truly free.
Entry for October 14, 2006
Brokeness. That is what leads to true peace. Brokeness and surrender. God brought me out of my brokeness, restructured the pieces of my life to create something new, and placed me on His mountain, to make my life a witness to others.
Then He called me to surrender. Daily I take it back from him, and daily I let it go again. He knows what to do with it better than I ever could. He created my life, He planned every moment of it. "I know the plans I have for you...to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).
I pray this brokeness on those I care about. I pray that God will break them, shatter them, reveal Himself to them in awesome and incredible ways, so that His Truth is clear, His presence cannot be denied. I don't pray it because I want to see them broken, bleeding, hurting, and alone. I pray this so that God can pick them up, rebuild them, set them on His mountaintop, and use their lives as a witness to many. I pray it so that they can know Him in ways they never thought possible. I pray it so that God can bring them to this same place of surrender - surrender of hopes, dreams, and desires into His hands, with no expectation for anything in return.
I pray it so that they can know Him, love Him, experience Him, and know the deep, lasting, indwelling sense of peace that I have received. No matter what life brings my way, I know that I will be okay, my husband and children will be okay, because God has given me his Perfect Peace. He is my Source, my place of Refuge, my Provider. I have nothing, am nothing, and know nothing apart from Him.
Then He called me to surrender. Daily I take it back from him, and daily I let it go again. He knows what to do with it better than I ever could. He created my life, He planned every moment of it. "I know the plans I have for you...to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).
I pray this brokeness on those I care about. I pray that God will break them, shatter them, reveal Himself to them in awesome and incredible ways, so that His Truth is clear, His presence cannot be denied. I don't pray it because I want to see them broken, bleeding, hurting, and alone. I pray this so that God can pick them up, rebuild them, set them on His mountaintop, and use their lives as a witness to many. I pray it so that they can know Him in ways they never thought possible. I pray it so that God can bring them to this same place of surrender - surrender of hopes, dreams, and desires into His hands, with no expectation for anything in return.
I pray it so that they can know Him, love Him, experience Him, and know the deep, lasting, indwelling sense of peace that I have received. No matter what life brings my way, I know that I will be okay, my husband and children will be okay, because God has given me his Perfect Peace. He is my Source, my place of Refuge, my Provider. I have nothing, am nothing, and know nothing apart from Him.
Entry for October 11, 2006
Well, we are really doing this. We closed on our construction/land loan last Wednesday. We now officially own the property. We are working on permits and approval by the developer. We hope to FINALLY break ground in a couple of weeks. (We couldn't turn in the permit applications or get developer approval until we legally owned the land.) It would be nice to have it framed in before winter really hits. It's getting cooler now, but we know the worst is yet to come.
On the adoption front, we did our homestudy last week. This is pretty much the first step in the process. Jenalyn turned 14 on Sunday. We wish she had been here already to share her birthday with us. Alex and Kati made her birthday cards, and we scanned them into the computer and emailed them to her. She got them, we were told in a return email. The next day, she sent us an email. It was good to hear from her. We are anxious for the day that she will join our family forever.
I am in awe of the blessings God is bringing into our lives at this time. The timing must be His. We wouldn't be crazy enough to be building this house at this precise time in our lives without Him!
I am daily reminded that in surrendering, I am truly blessed. There are two specific areas of my life that God has called me to surrender. Sometimes, this is a daily struggle, a daily reminder from Him. When I am willing to submit, I see his extraordinary blessings. I don't necessarily see the answers I want, nor do I get the desires of my heart. But He pours out His blessings nonetheless, and they are more awesome than I could ever have imagined!
On the adoption front, we did our homestudy last week. This is pretty much the first step in the process. Jenalyn turned 14 on Sunday. We wish she had been here already to share her birthday with us. Alex and Kati made her birthday cards, and we scanned them into the computer and emailed them to her. She got them, we were told in a return email. The next day, she sent us an email. It was good to hear from her. We are anxious for the day that she will join our family forever.
I am in awe of the blessings God is bringing into our lives at this time. The timing must be His. We wouldn't be crazy enough to be building this house at this precise time in our lives without Him!
I am daily reminded that in surrendering, I am truly blessed. There are two specific areas of my life that God has called me to surrender. Sometimes, this is a daily struggle, a daily reminder from Him. When I am willing to submit, I see his extraordinary blessings. I don't necessarily see the answers I want, nor do I get the desires of my heart. But He pours out His blessings nonetheless, and they are more awesome than I could ever have imagined!
Entry for September 30, 2006
It's been awhile since I've been on. As a home-schooling mom, who also needs to work part time and is finishing up a class of her own, I am pretty busy during the week. Now we are going to add house-building to that list.
We do have our final loan approval. Just waiting now to close on the loan and the land. We will be working on the building permit application today and gettting things together for approval from the developer. Hopefully, if all goes well, we can break ground in a couple of weeks.
God has blessed us continually during this whole process. We have seen His hand overcome so many hurdles. This could not have come together like it has with our doing. It could only be Him. We couldn't have worked out all these details so perfectly.
On the adoption front, we have our home study on Thurday. We are going to go ahead and apply for adoption assistance through SPCO, so we can get the ball rolling. The home study is the first step to eveything, so we need to get that done. Jenalyn turns 14 in a week, and we want her home with us as soon as we can.
I will try to update posts on here a little more, and keep an update of our house builidng project and our lives.
Entry for August 16, 2006
This surrendering is hard. God has really brought me to this place of having to surrender certain areas of my life to him. And not just a superficial surrendering. A complete surrendering, with no expectations from Him in return.
So, it basically has meant giving up some of my dreams, my desires, to obey Him. And it hasn't been easy. My continued prayer has been, "Okay, God, here I go taking this from you yet again. If I'm supposed to surrender this to you, you're gonna have to help me to do it. So here it is, AGAIN! Please help me to not take it back."
Slowly, I am starting to see his blessings given in response to my obedience. Blessings in unexpected forms and at unexpected times.
The biggest is the sense of peace He has instilled me with. A peace that could only come from Him.
So, it basically has meant giving up some of my dreams, my desires, to obey Him. And it hasn't been easy. My continued prayer has been, "Okay, God, here I go taking this from you yet again. If I'm supposed to surrender this to you, you're gonna have to help me to do it. So here it is, AGAIN! Please help me to not take it back."
Slowly, I am starting to see his blessings given in response to my obedience. Blessings in unexpected forms and at unexpected times.
The biggest is the sense of peace He has instilled me with. A peace that could only come from Him.
Entry for August 10, 2006
Here we are one day after Jenalyn has returned to Cebu City, Philippines. It seems weird around here without her, now that we were used to having her around.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Old Posts
I am going to start this blog out by transferring all the old posts from my Yahoo!360 page. Please bear with me while I do this. I want my whole blog available here, then I can build on that. Same blog, same title, just a different site!
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