Many times, in this journey of international adoption and parenting internationally adopted kids, we are asked why. Why spend so much money for a single adoption of one or two kids, when you could give that same amount to an orphanage that could help so many more?
Don't get me wrong, this is not a post against orphanage ministries. I am totally in favor of giving to build and support orphanages. They are so desperately needed. Where would my children have gone if those children's homes had not been there when they needed them? Who would have cared for them during the time they were not yet able to be adopted, but their birth families could not?
I believe we are all called to serve and minister to the orphans, but not all of us in the same way. Some are called to go as missionaries, some to work in those orphanages. Some are called to give money, to build and run and staff the homes. Some are called to adopt, and still others to support those who do so financially and in prayer. Some are called to foster care. There are so many ways to be involved with orphan ministry!
And the orphanages are desperately needed. The majority of children in many of our world's orphanages are not eligible for adoption for various reasons, still others never have the opportunity. But, there are those who God has chosen to place in families. So, who does it matter to when families called to adoption chose to raise and spend thousands of dollars on an adoption?
In my own home, it matters.
It matters to Katiana.
It matters to Alex.
It matters to Jenalyn.
It matters to Kelly and Ana Maria, our waiting daughters.
Ask any of my children if, given a choice, they would have chosen the orphanage over an opportunity to have a FAMILY! Ask any of the thousands and thousands of children in an orphanage anywhere, or in foster care here in our own country, which they would chose.
I have a key chain that holds the key to my office. It says this:
"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
We cannot save them all, but we can save the ones God has called us to, the ones he has put on our hearts. Think about it - so many children, so many faceless and nameless orphans, and a mere three we have currently been blessed to call our own, two more God has put on our hearts. Five children out of thousands.
Have we made a difference? Does it matter?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
When God Takes Something From Your Hands
Almost 4-1/2 years ago, we broke ground to begin building our home. We worked on it after a regular day at work, on weekends, and on holidays. It took us 13 months to complete the process. We moved in November 2007 and for the first time in four years, were able to bring everything from storage and unpack it.
Unfortunately, just as we were finishing the house, the market began to take a slight downward turn. In the last one to two years it has bottomed out. What this means is we have never been able to get the financing we wanted originally, and we have had to work more in order to keep up with the monthly payments.
In recent weeks, we have begun to realize this was not what we wanted. We never planned to simply work for our house. We have become more and more aware of the ways we would rather be spending our time - Civil Air Patrol, the nonprofit maternity home I am helping to set up, and for me, simply being able to be a mom. Even though I do work from home, it is still work and still time I have to devote to work. I want to be able to be present as much as possible for my kids, both the ones currently in my home and the ones we know God is still bringing to us.
So, we have begun to pray about ways we can cut expenses, things we can do to be able to work less (meaning only Dave's regular job without the paper route we have been doing, and me being able to continue to work part-time). This would also enable us to pay off some debt we want to be rid of, and to pursue the things God has put on our hearts. This has been a difficult process for us, one that has entailed letting go and even giving up on our dreams. So, we have prayed about and made some difficult decisions regarding this house we worked so hard for. It has been bittersweet, but with it has come great peace.
And then, within hours and days of the decision, we have received confirmation from different sources and people. I received a text message twice in one week with this quote (words not exact, but you'll get my meaning). "When God takes something from our hands...he is opening them up to receive something better." Dave received the following "On this day God wants you to know..." message on Facebook (an application we both use:
"On this day God wants you to know...that beginnings are only possible where there are endings. Clear acknowledged endings are as necessary to intelligible life, as pauses between notes to intelligible music. Although endings sometimes feel like the end of you, take them for what they really are - the end of a stage in your life. Here is to new beginnings!"
Finally, a couple of days ago we received this from an acquaintance. This is somebody who knows us, but not well enough to know our hearts in regard to family and adoption. Her words made us laugh and cry. It was more confirmation for not only the recent decisions we have made, but our hearts for adoption, as well. And, in light of the critical words spoken to me by a family member this past summer, they were also the encouragement I desperately needed.
"The picture I see is massive! It is like a "Family Reunion" type of picture. It starts small, like a very tight zoom on just Laura & Dave. Then it increases to you & Dave are at the center with the kids all around you. There are 10 kids that are creating a circle around you. The zoom button is hit again & you see even more. Behind each of the kids is a group that represents their biological families, some small, some very large!. (This is where it looks kinda weird). Laura & Dave have arms that grow. First they go around each other, just the two of you. While still holding each other, then they go around each kid, individually & then as a group. Without letting go of anyone, then they bend & twist to go all the way around the back of the families like you are giving a big group hug to encompass all of them. It is a picture of your influence on these people, some you don't even know, as well as the ones you directly affect - the kids.
Then the it is like I am zooming out further & over the top of you all is this shining cloud with big muscular arms that are coming out of it going directly into Laura & Dave so that your arms can do what they do. Then it is like there are lots of other arms, all different lengths & levels of strength, coming out of the sides of the cloud that are holding all of you on a plane that is increasing in size as each one comes into the gates of your plane. There is no fence with the gate, just two posts that have a sign that reads "Furniss Love Arena"
The # of kids is what I was questioning God about, because I know there aren't 10 right now, but he repeatedly gave me 10. When I asked God for revelation to the vision, I got the picture of the water drop hitting the water & creating the circles of influence in the shape of a heart. I believe it is a circle created from the love the two of you have for each other going out to affect those you don't even know you are affecting. Your sphere of influence is ever increasing and growing, even when you don't realize it. The cloud of course represents God & his arms of love that are extending down to you and then out from you. His arms are like a big muscle builders arms, very strong & He is giving you that strength as you do what He has called you to do. The arms coming out of the sides of the cloud are those who are supporting you in prayer, helping to hold up God's work in you. There are arms you don't recognize as well as ones you know well.
That is what I have seen. I pray it gives confirmation or is confirmed in your hearts & lives!"
So, with renewed faith, with renewed energy, with renewed vision, we start out on a new adventure in 2011. We are excited to continue to see what God is doing in our lives.
And, for those of you who don't understand this strong desire we have to adopt, take a look at this video:
Unfortunately, just as we were finishing the house, the market began to take a slight downward turn. In the last one to two years it has bottomed out. What this means is we have never been able to get the financing we wanted originally, and we have had to work more in order to keep up with the monthly payments.
In recent weeks, we have begun to realize this was not what we wanted. We never planned to simply work for our house. We have become more and more aware of the ways we would rather be spending our time - Civil Air Patrol, the nonprofit maternity home I am helping to set up, and for me, simply being able to be a mom. Even though I do work from home, it is still work and still time I have to devote to work. I want to be able to be present as much as possible for my kids, both the ones currently in my home and the ones we know God is still bringing to us.
So, we have begun to pray about ways we can cut expenses, things we can do to be able to work less (meaning only Dave's regular job without the paper route we have been doing, and me being able to continue to work part-time). This would also enable us to pay off some debt we want to be rid of, and to pursue the things God has put on our hearts. This has been a difficult process for us, one that has entailed letting go and even giving up on our dreams. So, we have prayed about and made some difficult decisions regarding this house we worked so hard for. It has been bittersweet, but with it has come great peace.
And then, within hours and days of the decision, we have received confirmation from different sources and people. I received a text message twice in one week with this quote (words not exact, but you'll get my meaning). "When God takes something from our hands...he is opening them up to receive something better." Dave received the following "On this day God wants you to know..." message on Facebook (an application we both use:
"On this day God wants you to know...that beginnings are only possible where there are endings. Clear acknowledged endings are as necessary to intelligible life, as pauses between notes to intelligible music. Although endings sometimes feel like the end of you, take them for what they really are - the end of a stage in your life. Here is to new beginnings!"
Finally, a couple of days ago we received this from an acquaintance. This is somebody who knows us, but not well enough to know our hearts in regard to family and adoption. Her words made us laugh and cry. It was more confirmation for not only the recent decisions we have made, but our hearts for adoption, as well. And, in light of the critical words spoken to me by a family member this past summer, they were also the encouragement I desperately needed.
"The picture I see is massive! It is like a "Family Reunion" type of picture. It starts small, like a very tight zoom on just Laura & Dave. Then it increases to you & Dave are at the center with the kids all around you. There are 10 kids that are creating a circle around you. The zoom button is hit again & you see even more. Behind each of the kids is a group that represents their biological families, some small, some very large!. (This is where it looks kinda weird). Laura & Dave have arms that grow. First they go around each other, just the two of you. While still holding each other, then they go around each kid, individually & then as a group. Without letting go of anyone, then they bend & twist to go all the way around the back of the families like you are giving a big group hug to encompass all of them. It is a picture of your influence on these people, some you don't even know, as well as the ones you directly affect - the kids.
Then the it is like I am zooming out further & over the top of you all is this shining cloud with big muscular arms that are coming out of it going directly into Laura & Dave so that your arms can do what they do. Then it is like there are lots of other arms, all different lengths & levels of strength, coming out of the sides of the cloud that are holding all of you on a plane that is increasing in size as each one comes into the gates of your plane. There is no fence with the gate, just two posts that have a sign that reads "Furniss Love Arena"
The # of kids is what I was questioning God about, because I know there aren't 10 right now, but he repeatedly gave me 10. When I asked God for revelation to the vision, I got the picture of the water drop hitting the water & creating the circles of influence in the shape of a heart. I believe it is a circle created from the love the two of you have for each other going out to affect those you don't even know you are affecting. Your sphere of influence is ever increasing and growing, even when you don't realize it. The cloud of course represents God & his arms of love that are extending down to you and then out from you. His arms are like a big muscle builders arms, very strong & He is giving you that strength as you do what He has called you to do. The arms coming out of the sides of the cloud are those who are supporting you in prayer, helping to hold up God's work in you. There are arms you don't recognize as well as ones you know well.
That is what I have seen. I pray it gives confirmation or is confirmed in your hearts & lives!"
So, with renewed faith, with renewed energy, with renewed vision, we start out on a new adventure in 2011. We are excited to continue to see what God is doing in our lives.
And, for those of you who don't understand this strong desire we have to adopt, take a look at this video:
Hope is Fading from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Furniss Newsletter 11/19/2010
This is the first adoption newsletter we sent out today via email.
As many of you know, we are currently in the process of adopting another baby, a sibling to our Timothy. This baby boy (it looks like, that has already changed once) is due in February, but may be early as Timothy was. Continued prayers for him to continue to stay in the womb as long as possible would be appreciated, as well as for the adoption to go through. We fully realize, especially based on what happened with Timothy, that this may fall through again, but are stepping out in faith anyway and trusting that God has the best plan for this baby.
We are also feeling called to pursue another international adoption. We met two girls from Colombia this summer during the Summer of Hope program (the same program our Katiana and Jenalyn came through). We were not really planning on going in this direction at this time, but God has a way of changing hearts and making His will clear. We have been approved to have contact with the girls while we pursue their adoptions. This is no guarantee of adoption, but is still a step nonetheless. Kelly Johanna is currently 11 years old, and her sister Ana Maria just turned 10. They are both beautiful, sparkling young ladies whom we look forward to inviting into our family in the near future.
Right now, we are focusing on the paperwork for the baby's adoption. Once that is finished, we will begin the process for the girls' adoptions. In the meantime, we have come up with or been suggested some very creative fundraising opportunities. We will need to raise the funds once again for the international adoption.
We have come under criticism recently for both our fundraising efforts AND the fact that we have adopted in the first place and want to do so again (specifically by some family members, who will not be receiving this, or any other messages from us). However, we believe this is still what we are supposed to do, and we still believe that our God, the Father of the fatherless, has a plan for these orphans that He has brought into our lives. That being said, if you are not interested in being on this email news list, please let us know. We only want to keep those of you informed who are interested in these exciting changes in our lives.
We will also update through our blog, http://www.lfurniss.blogspot.com, and for those of you on Facebook, on there also.
In the meantime, while we do not expect anything from any of you (except maybe for continued prayer support and encouragement), those of you who are interested in the fundraising aspect of this adventure do have the opportunity, if you feel so led, to take a look at a couple of fundraisers we are currently organizing and starting to promote.
The first one we are quite excited about. Just Love Coffee Roasters sells high quality, organic, free trade coffees. Proceeds from their sales go towards building schools for older children in Ethiopia. They also have a fundraising program we have signed up for. We receive proceeds of $5 for every bag of coffee or T-shirt sold, $3 per travel mug, tote bag, or hat, and $1 per coffee scoop. Just Love Coffee runs the website and tracks the sales for us and sends us the proceeds monthly. We have set a goal of 2000 bags of coffee sold. That website is
www.justlovecoffee.com/furniss
You can place your order there directly and the coffee will be shipped to you, or you can place an order through us and we will have it shipped to you.
The second fundraiser involves this puzzle:
We are selling the pieces of this puzzle for $1 a piece. When a piece is purchased, the name of the buyer will be written on the back of the puzzle piece. We will assemble the puzzle as pieces are sold and when all the pieces are gone and the puzzle fully assembled, it will be framed on both sides so both sides can be viewed. This will then hang in our house as a reminder of all who helped bring these girls home into their forever family.
We do have some other fundraising options that we will pursue at a later date, and are always open to more creative ideas that anyone has. Once we have our international home study completed for the girls, we will be able to pursue adoption grant options, also.
For those who would rather just make a direct, tax-deductible donation, you can always send payment directly to:
The Sacred Portion Children's Outreach
7104 Bristol Lane
Bozeman, MT 59715
Designate it to us on a SEPARATE PIECE OF PAPER (IRS rules), not on the check, and it will go directly into our funds there.
Thank you to all of you who have encouraged and supported us in the past, and who continue to do so as we travel this road again. It is exciting to see the healing and restoration God has brought to our children, and we are excited about being His tool for this purpose once again. We will send updates every few weeks as things progress.
As many of you know, we are currently in the process of adopting another baby, a sibling to our Timothy. This baby boy (it looks like, that has already changed once) is due in February, but may be early as Timothy was. Continued prayers for him to continue to stay in the womb as long as possible would be appreciated, as well as for the adoption to go through. We fully realize, especially based on what happened with Timothy, that this may fall through again, but are stepping out in faith anyway and trusting that God has the best plan for this baby.
We are also feeling called to pursue another international adoption. We met two girls from Colombia this summer during the Summer of Hope program (the same program our Katiana and Jenalyn came through). We were not really planning on going in this direction at this time, but God has a way of changing hearts and making His will clear. We have been approved to have contact with the girls while we pursue their adoptions. This is no guarantee of adoption, but is still a step nonetheless. Kelly Johanna is currently 11 years old, and her sister Ana Maria just turned 10. They are both beautiful, sparkling young ladies whom we look forward to inviting into our family in the near future.
Right now, we are focusing on the paperwork for the baby's adoption. Once that is finished, we will begin the process for the girls' adoptions. In the meantime, we have come up with or been suggested some very creative fundraising opportunities. We will need to raise the funds once again for the international adoption.
We have come under criticism recently for both our fundraising efforts AND the fact that we have adopted in the first place and want to do so again (specifically by some family members, who will not be receiving this, or any other messages from us). However, we believe this is still what we are supposed to do, and we still believe that our God, the Father of the fatherless, has a plan for these orphans that He has brought into our lives. That being said, if you are not interested in being on this email news list, please let us know. We only want to keep those of you informed who are interested in these exciting changes in our lives.
We will also update through our blog, http://www.lfurniss.blogspot.com, and for those of you on Facebook, on there also.
In the meantime, while we do not expect anything from any of you (except maybe for continued prayer support and encouragement), those of you who are interested in the fundraising aspect of this adventure do have the opportunity, if you feel so led, to take a look at a couple of fundraisers we are currently organizing and starting to promote.
The first one we are quite excited about. Just Love Coffee Roasters sells high quality, organic, free trade coffees. Proceeds from their sales go towards building schools for older children in Ethiopia. They also have a fundraising program we have signed up for. We receive proceeds of $5 for every bag of coffee or T-shirt sold, $3 per travel mug, tote bag, or hat, and $1 per coffee scoop. Just Love Coffee runs the website and tracks the sales for us and sends us the proceeds monthly. We have set a goal of 2000 bags of coffee sold. That website is
www.justlovecoffee.com/furniss
You can place your order there directly and the coffee will be shipped to you, or you can place an order through us and we will have it shipped to you.
The second fundraiser involves this puzzle:
We are selling the pieces of this puzzle for $1 a piece. When a piece is purchased, the name of the buyer will be written on the back of the puzzle piece. We will assemble the puzzle as pieces are sold and when all the pieces are gone and the puzzle fully assembled, it will be framed on both sides so both sides can be viewed. This will then hang in our house as a reminder of all who helped bring these girls home into their forever family.
We do have some other fundraising options that we will pursue at a later date, and are always open to more creative ideas that anyone has. Once we have our international home study completed for the girls, we will be able to pursue adoption grant options, also.
For those who would rather just make a direct, tax-deductible donation, you can always send payment directly to:
The Sacred Portion Children's Outreach
7104 Bristol Lane
Bozeman, MT 59715
Designate it to us on a SEPARATE PIECE OF PAPER (IRS rules), not on the check, and it will go directly into our funds there.
Thank you to all of you who have encouraged and supported us in the past, and who continue to do so as we travel this road again. It is exciting to see the healing and restoration God has brought to our children, and we are excited about being His tool for this purpose once again. We will send updates every few weeks as things progress.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
What's Next...
Wow, it blows my mind to think about what God may be doing next in our family. He really does have the best intentions and plans for us, far better than we ever expected for ourselves.
Timothy was our miracle adoption, in so many ways. With three older children already, we just were not good candidates for a private infant adoption, as many birthmothers, I am told, tend to chose parents with fewer kids for their babies, and that is with the agencies that even allow infant adoption with more than 2 children in the home. Some do chose large families, but it is not as common. And we have not had any desire or felt led to do foster adoption. So, I always joked with God that if we were to have a baby in our home, He would have to literally drop one into our lap.
That is exactly what happened with Timothy. He was the unexpected, miraculous, much-desired baby for this mother's arms and heart. We went through an unplanned, incredibly difficult time to get him after he was born, and really believed that it was not going to happen after all, but when it finally did...it really does feel like all the heartache and struggle was so worth it! Not to mention the incredible things God taught me about Him and myself through it. I will never forget them.
So, here we are now, 2-1/2 years after Timothy's birth, faced with the possibility that it could happen again! I have not shared this with many yet, as we are approaching the situation so cautiously right now based on past experiences, but we are in a place now of beginning to share it more openly. There are still a few months to go before this second baby's birth, and still so many things that have to fall into place, by God's hand, if it is truly to be. But, when I allow myself to get excited, I can hardly contain myself. We could have another baby in just a few months' time!
But, that does not seem to be all God is doing in our family right now. Once we know for sure about the baby, whether he or she does indeed become a part of our family or God chooses otherwise, it looks like we will start down the road of international adoption once again.
I have had my heart set on a sibling group from Philippines, one from my daughter's orphanage there, but God seems to be saying "not now" with them. Instead, he has turned our hearts to a country I said I would not adopt from, simply because of the length of time required in-country. In the way God seems to be bringing about all of our adoption journeys, he has said yes to my never. ("I will never adopt older children. I will never adopt a child with attachment issues. I will never adopt a teenager." Ha! We have done all three of those!).
Right now, it seems like such a daunting, overwhelming prospect. We know that, as in our past adoptions, this is a God-sized undertaking that He will have to bring about. In our human capacity, we just cannot do it. We do need to take care of a couple of other financial responsibilities first that He has asked us to take care of. Again, we are trusting Him to show us the way. (He actually already has, now we need to step out despite our fears and just get it done!).
This time around, I am also really struggling with others - as in, others' opinions and fear of those opinions. I know that I know that I know that we are in God's will, but in light of these recent attacks on me by family members, attacks on my parenting and our being able to adopt in the first place, I am a bit gun-shy, so to speak. These attacks were based on untruths and inaccurate information, and they have no power over me or who I am in Christ. Yet, they still shook me to my core when they happened. God is bringing me peace and healing in this, and I know He will still reign in the end. Please pray with and for me as we step out in His will despite this.
And please pray for our sweet girls in Colombia. Kelly and Ana are currently 11 and 9 years of age. We have begun the preliminary steps to pursue their adoptions, but know it will take some time to be able to move forward with the majority of the paperwork in the process. Please continue to pray that God's hand will be on us and them over the next months, and that His will be done in our lives and in theirs.
Timothy was our miracle adoption, in so many ways. With three older children already, we just were not good candidates for a private infant adoption, as many birthmothers, I am told, tend to chose parents with fewer kids for their babies, and that is with the agencies that even allow infant adoption with more than 2 children in the home. Some do chose large families, but it is not as common. And we have not had any desire or felt led to do foster adoption. So, I always joked with God that if we were to have a baby in our home, He would have to literally drop one into our lap.
That is exactly what happened with Timothy. He was the unexpected, miraculous, much-desired baby for this mother's arms and heart. We went through an unplanned, incredibly difficult time to get him after he was born, and really believed that it was not going to happen after all, but when it finally did...it really does feel like all the heartache and struggle was so worth it! Not to mention the incredible things God taught me about Him and myself through it. I will never forget them.
So, here we are now, 2-1/2 years after Timothy's birth, faced with the possibility that it could happen again! I have not shared this with many yet, as we are approaching the situation so cautiously right now based on past experiences, but we are in a place now of beginning to share it more openly. There are still a few months to go before this second baby's birth, and still so many things that have to fall into place, by God's hand, if it is truly to be. But, when I allow myself to get excited, I can hardly contain myself. We could have another baby in just a few months' time!
But, that does not seem to be all God is doing in our family right now. Once we know for sure about the baby, whether he or she does indeed become a part of our family or God chooses otherwise, it looks like we will start down the road of international adoption once again.
I have had my heart set on a sibling group from Philippines, one from my daughter's orphanage there, but God seems to be saying "not now" with them. Instead, he has turned our hearts to a country I said I would not adopt from, simply because of the length of time required in-country. In the way God seems to be bringing about all of our adoption journeys, he has said yes to my never. ("I will never adopt older children. I will never adopt a child with attachment issues. I will never adopt a teenager." Ha! We have done all three of those!).
Right now, it seems like such a daunting, overwhelming prospect. We know that, as in our past adoptions, this is a God-sized undertaking that He will have to bring about. In our human capacity, we just cannot do it. We do need to take care of a couple of other financial responsibilities first that He has asked us to take care of. Again, we are trusting Him to show us the way. (He actually already has, now we need to step out despite our fears and just get it done!).
This time around, I am also really struggling with others - as in, others' opinions and fear of those opinions. I know that I know that I know that we are in God's will, but in light of these recent attacks on me by family members, attacks on my parenting and our being able to adopt in the first place, I am a bit gun-shy, so to speak. These attacks were based on untruths and inaccurate information, and they have no power over me or who I am in Christ. Yet, they still shook me to my core when they happened. God is bringing me peace and healing in this, and I know He will still reign in the end. Please pray with and for me as we step out in His will despite this.
And please pray for our sweet girls in Colombia. Kelly and Ana are currently 11 and 9 years of age. We have begun the preliminary steps to pursue their adoptions, but know it will take some time to be able to move forward with the majority of the paperwork in the process. Please continue to pray that God's hand will be on us and them over the next months, and that His will be done in our lives and in theirs.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Big, but exciting changes here!
School started last week. My oldest two are seniors. Hard to believe, especially when I have not had the privilege of being their parents for long. Alex has been here for nearly 6-1/2 years, and Jenalyn only for three. Still, I am enjoying it, and will get to be "Mama" even when the are grown and gone. Aren't they beautiful (handsome?) on their first day of school?
Alex is a stunter (?) for the cheerleading squad this year, and Jenalyn will finish out her high school career in speech and drama again.
My little Katiana is a beautiful 14-year-old eighth grader this year. She is home schooling again, and is really starting to learn study skills well. She has come a long way in the 6-1/2 years she has been here, especially in the past six months. We are quite proud of her.
Timothy is almost 2-1/2, and is finally in his own bedroom. It took a little shuffling around and moving Alex into a closed-off area at the end of the bonus room, then turning his bedroom into Timothy's bedroom, but we think it turned out well. He has spent the last three nights there and has done pretty well, better than we expected. It helps that he loves his room!
For now, all of our furniture is back in our bedroom, and we are enjoying having it back. At the same time, we are cautiously awaiting the strong possibility of a new little one in a few months. After our last experience, we are a little nervous about it and approaching it a bit more reservedly than before, yet trusting that God will still bring it about if it is His will. We know he is bigger than our hopes and dreams, and He holds the life of this precious little one in His hands.
Alex is a stunter (?) for the cheerleading squad this year, and Jenalyn will finish out her high school career in speech and drama again.
My little Katiana is a beautiful 14-year-old eighth grader this year. She is home schooling again, and is really starting to learn study skills well. She has come a long way in the 6-1/2 years she has been here, especially in the past six months. We are quite proud of her.
Timothy is almost 2-1/2, and is finally in his own bedroom. It took a little shuffling around and moving Alex into a closed-off area at the end of the bonus room, then turning his bedroom into Timothy's bedroom, but we think it turned out well. He has spent the last three nights there and has done pretty well, better than we expected. It helps that he loves his room!
For now, all of our furniture is back in our bedroom, and we are enjoying having it back. At the same time, we are cautiously awaiting the strong possibility of a new little one in a few months. After our last experience, we are a little nervous about it and approaching it a bit more reservedly than before, yet trusting that God will still bring it about if it is His will. We know he is bigger than our hopes and dreams, and He holds the life of this precious little one in His hands.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
What Really Matters...
I am stepping out in boldness and faith today. After the events of the past few weeks, I have learned that I no longer need to be afraid of what others who may, or may not, read my blog will think. This is who I am, who God created me to be, and I can stand firm and strong in who I am in Him. What anyone else thinks just simply does not matter.
I have had some very harsh, very untrue things spoken over and to me in recent weeks. None of this is new; somebody just finally had the guts to say it to my face - if e-mail counts as to my face. What really made the situation seem worse is that these are things that are truly believed about me by family members whom I thought I was once close to. I wonder now if there ever really was a relationship with any of them.
But, I have learned a few things from this situation, and that is what this blog post is about. I want to share what God has shown me, both about my family and about myself.
1. These words have NO POWER over me. The authority to speak into someone's life comes from relationship and truth. These are women who do not even know who I am anymore, whose perceptions of me are based on things that happened 10, 20, and 30 years ago, and who have done nothing to maintain any kind of a relationship with me. Even if whatever they perceived I did actually happened, none of them have come to me and asked me about any of them. They continue to talk behind my back, make me the "family joke" (not my words, theirs), and choose to believe whatever they want to about me. And it really doesn't matter to me, not anymore. They have NO POWER or authority over my life.
2. I know who I am IN CHRIST. That is all that matters. Nobody else's mold was made for me. I am who I am, and I am that person in Him. My responses and reactions have been made in the light of His love, to the best of my weak human ability (through His strength), but these who do not walk with Him cannot and will not see that.
3. I am NEITHER A CHILD nor an EXTENSION OF MY MOTHER. I am an adult, an individual person, and who God made me to be. Those who think I should be like my mother neither know me, or her, very well. They do not know everything that happened in the past, or what has been said behind closed doors. Even so, I have no need to defend myself. I am who I am in Him.
4. The main attacks have been against my parenting and our adoptions, and simply the fact that I AM a parent. The feeling that I should never have been a parent was unfounded and, again, based on lies and untruth. It was also not anybody's choice but mine and my husband's. Here are a few thoughts and truths about my parenting and children.
- The choice to be parents was mine and my husband's, nobody else's. It has also always been our choice and ours alone about HOW we became parents, and about how MANY children we have in our family. We are answerable ONLY to God in this, and, in fact, He is our guide in these choices.
- A couple of these relatives have never had children, and therefore know nothing about being a parent. No child is perfect, and no parent is perfect. I never claimed I was or that my children were. Therefore, the standard they are holding me to is unrealistic and unfair.
- HOW we raise our children is also our choice, as is how we reward or discipline, all choices made in regards to them and their past, present, and future. Also, even these relatives who do have children have not adopted, nor do they know the slightest bit about adoption of any kind, international, private placement, or otherwise. Therefore, questioning how we ever became parents is also unfounded, and is based in more untruth and ignorance, as is questioning or criticizing how we parent.
- Finally, if the whole slew of professionals who have worked with our children and/or our family in the past and present - including three social workers, three therapists, a psychiatrist (necessary for an evaluation which was required for one of our adoptions), adoption officials in three countries, plus the church leaders, pastors, school officials and teachers, and even the friends who actually spend time with us and KNOW us - do not see anything that causes them worry about our being parents, what makes these relatives, who neither maintain contact or know ANYTHING about me think they know something nobody else does?
Before any of them have the right to pass judgements about myself or my husband or anything we have done, the right and courteous thing to do would be to get to actually KNOW us. Learn who I am, what I have become, where my goals are leading me. Learn what is on my heart, why I do what I do, and what God has done in me. Take the time to get to know my husband and what an incredible man of God he is, full of compassion, patience, strength and truth. And, finally, be willing to hear the truth, to talk about perceptions of things that occurred in the past, to maybe find out what has really gone on, and to let the past, stay in the past.
Instead, they chose to continue to walk in lies, to think they know who I am, and to believe what they chose to believe about me. But the biggest thing I have learned in recent weeks is this: IT DOESN'T MATTER, AND THEY DON'T MATTER. Life is too short to spend trying to have relationships with people who don't want them and who have no respect for me, trying to reconcile with people who continue to harbor anger, and trying to be open and honest with people who do not want the truth and chose to believe what they do.
I know who my true friends are, and I know who my true family is. They are the ones who love and accept me. They are the ones who know me, my husband, and my children. They are the ones who matter, and they are the ones I chose to surround myself with.
I know who I am IN CHRIST. I know the healing he has brought to me, the growth, the wisdom, the revelation. I know His call on my life. I know his plans for us in regards to adoption and parenting. I know that, through Him, I can face whatever comes my way. I know He is the source of my strength, my energy, my wisdom, my peace. And I truly am at peace, because of Him.
And, I know that he WILL bring us more children. Not because I am a perfect parent, and not because He will bring me perfect children, but because He has called us to this title of "Mom" or "Dad," and because He has prepared our hearts and our minds for the task; and because He has brought us healing, peace, redemption, and new life, so we can help Him bring it to the children he entrusts to us.
And in the end, that is all that really matters.
I have had some very harsh, very untrue things spoken over and to me in recent weeks. None of this is new; somebody just finally had the guts to say it to my face - if e-mail counts as to my face. What really made the situation seem worse is that these are things that are truly believed about me by family members whom I thought I was once close to. I wonder now if there ever really was a relationship with any of them.
But, I have learned a few things from this situation, and that is what this blog post is about. I want to share what God has shown me, both about my family and about myself.
1. These words have NO POWER over me. The authority to speak into someone's life comes from relationship and truth. These are women who do not even know who I am anymore, whose perceptions of me are based on things that happened 10, 20, and 30 years ago, and who have done nothing to maintain any kind of a relationship with me. Even if whatever they perceived I did actually happened, none of them have come to me and asked me about any of them. They continue to talk behind my back, make me the "family joke" (not my words, theirs), and choose to believe whatever they want to about me. And it really doesn't matter to me, not anymore. They have NO POWER or authority over my life.
2. I know who I am IN CHRIST. That is all that matters. Nobody else's mold was made for me. I am who I am, and I am that person in Him. My responses and reactions have been made in the light of His love, to the best of my weak human ability (through His strength), but these who do not walk with Him cannot and will not see that.
3. I am NEITHER A CHILD nor an EXTENSION OF MY MOTHER. I am an adult, an individual person, and who God made me to be. Those who think I should be like my mother neither know me, or her, very well. They do not know everything that happened in the past, or what has been said behind closed doors. Even so, I have no need to defend myself. I am who I am in Him.
4. The main attacks have been against my parenting and our adoptions, and simply the fact that I AM a parent. The feeling that I should never have been a parent was unfounded and, again, based on lies and untruth. It was also not anybody's choice but mine and my husband's. Here are a few thoughts and truths about my parenting and children.
- The choice to be parents was mine and my husband's, nobody else's. It has also always been our choice and ours alone about HOW we became parents, and about how MANY children we have in our family. We are answerable ONLY to God in this, and, in fact, He is our guide in these choices.
- A couple of these relatives have never had children, and therefore know nothing about being a parent. No child is perfect, and no parent is perfect. I never claimed I was or that my children were. Therefore, the standard they are holding me to is unrealistic and unfair.
- HOW we raise our children is also our choice, as is how we reward or discipline, all choices made in regards to them and their past, present, and future. Also, even these relatives who do have children have not adopted, nor do they know the slightest bit about adoption of any kind, international, private placement, or otherwise. Therefore, questioning how we ever became parents is also unfounded, and is based in more untruth and ignorance, as is questioning or criticizing how we parent.
- Finally, if the whole slew of professionals who have worked with our children and/or our family in the past and present - including three social workers, three therapists, a psychiatrist (necessary for an evaluation which was required for one of our adoptions), adoption officials in three countries, plus the church leaders, pastors, school officials and teachers, and even the friends who actually spend time with us and KNOW us - do not see anything that causes them worry about our being parents, what makes these relatives, who neither maintain contact or know ANYTHING about me think they know something nobody else does?
Before any of them have the right to pass judgements about myself or my husband or anything we have done, the right and courteous thing to do would be to get to actually KNOW us. Learn who I am, what I have become, where my goals are leading me. Learn what is on my heart, why I do what I do, and what God has done in me. Take the time to get to know my husband and what an incredible man of God he is, full of compassion, patience, strength and truth. And, finally, be willing to hear the truth, to talk about perceptions of things that occurred in the past, to maybe find out what has really gone on, and to let the past, stay in the past.
Instead, they chose to continue to walk in lies, to think they know who I am, and to believe what they chose to believe about me. But the biggest thing I have learned in recent weeks is this: IT DOESN'T MATTER, AND THEY DON'T MATTER. Life is too short to spend trying to have relationships with people who don't want them and who have no respect for me, trying to reconcile with people who continue to harbor anger, and trying to be open and honest with people who do not want the truth and chose to believe what they do.
I know who my true friends are, and I know who my true family is. They are the ones who love and accept me. They are the ones who know me, my husband, and my children. They are the ones who matter, and they are the ones I chose to surround myself with.
I know who I am IN CHRIST. I know the healing he has brought to me, the growth, the wisdom, the revelation. I know His call on my life. I know his plans for us in regards to adoption and parenting. I know that, through Him, I can face whatever comes my way. I know He is the source of my strength, my energy, my wisdom, my peace. And I truly am at peace, because of Him.
And, I know that he WILL bring us more children. Not because I am a perfect parent, and not because He will bring me perfect children, but because He has called us to this title of "Mom" or "Dad," and because He has prepared our hearts and our minds for the task; and because He has brought us healing, peace, redemption, and new life, so we can help Him bring it to the children he entrusts to us.
And in the end, that is all that really matters.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Healing Hands
When I began training to become a certified birth doula, I had to think of a name for my business. My husband suggested "Healing Hands Doula Services," which evolved into "Healing Hands Birth Services." I had had a prophetic word spoken over me that I would have "healing hands," and he thought this was a good name for my business. But, I was not sure what it meant, or even what to think of it.
I had a revelation recently as to what my goals as a doula really were, and what my name meant.
As I have studied all things pregnancy and birth related, read every book and magazine I can get my hands on, and researched things on the Internet, I have seen and heard and learned more about birth as a life-changing moment in a woman's life. Childbirth is the transition to becoming a mother, to becoming a family. It can be a painful and tragic experience, or it can be a healing and empowering experience. I want to be used by God, and to be available to help women and families to find their own paths to this healing and empowerment.
"Birth as healing?" you may ask. "Healing from what?" Well, how about for those women who have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whose bodies are an image of pain, loss of control, and disempowerment? How about women whose previous birth experiences did not go as they had planned, or experienced unexpected trauma or even abuse during childbirth? How about women who have lost a child in pregnancy, birth, or during childhood? How about even those women who are unsupported in pregnancy and birth, or those who make the sacrificial choice to place a child for adoption? Or those who have gone through years of infertility?
All of these are women who can experience incredible healing and joy during their pregnancies and in childbirth, and who can walk away feeling powerful, strong, and renewed. I want to be the guide, the encourager, the information-giver, the cheering squad, or whatever else I can be to help them to get there.
I had a revelation recently as to what my goals as a doula really were, and what my name meant.
As I have studied all things pregnancy and birth related, read every book and magazine I can get my hands on, and researched things on the Internet, I have seen and heard and learned more about birth as a life-changing moment in a woman's life. Childbirth is the transition to becoming a mother, to becoming a family. It can be a painful and tragic experience, or it can be a healing and empowering experience. I want to be used by God, and to be available to help women and families to find their own paths to this healing and empowerment.
"Birth as healing?" you may ask. "Healing from what?" Well, how about for those women who have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whose bodies are an image of pain, loss of control, and disempowerment? How about women whose previous birth experiences did not go as they had planned, or experienced unexpected trauma or even abuse during childbirth? How about women who have lost a child in pregnancy, birth, or during childhood? How about even those women who are unsupported in pregnancy and birth, or those who make the sacrificial choice to place a child for adoption? Or those who have gone through years of infertility?
All of these are women who can experience incredible healing and joy during their pregnancies and in childbirth, and who can walk away feeling powerful, strong, and renewed. I want to be the guide, the encourager, the information-giver, the cheering squad, or whatever else I can be to help them to get there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)