Little did I know that early Friday morning that our precious son would be born only nine days later, yet I would not meet him for eight weeks. In those initial days, she did decide to parent her son. I was devastated, and oh, how I grieved! God did some work in me over those eight weeks, bringing peace and healing to my heart and soul even as the ache of the loss was ripping me apart. Then, eight weeks almost to the day after he entered the world, just as I felt ready to move on and pack away all the baby things, I received the phone call that forever changed my world. On Saturday morning, May 10, the day before Mother's Day, I held my baby boy in my arms for the very first time.
Over the ensuing weeks and months, I learned just how difficult life had been for he and the young lady who had brought him into the world. It was truly a miracle he had survived. Premature and ill, he spent at least five of those early eight weeks in the hospital. Initially in Billings for two weeks, he was transferred back to Bozeman, where he remained another week in the hospital before being released. Then he had two other hospitalizations in the ICU for serious respiratory issues, both for a total of another two weeks. After the second hospitalization, he was released to the custody of family members when CPS became involved, and some time during his initial release he spent a few days in the care of a friend while she was dealing with some legal issues.
This little baby did not know where or with whom he belonged the first two months of his life. The week he was placed in our custody, the day after papers were signed, he ended up hospitalized again and had surgery. I remember finally brining him home a week later, lying on our bed with this tiny person on my chest, exhausted from the week. He just lay there, looking into my eyes. It was almost as if he knew he finally belonged!
But he did not come through all this unscathed. Prematurity, prenatal drug exposure, and poor attachment affected him mentally, emotionally, and physically. By 7 months of age, he was diagnosed by early intervention services as "high guard, high tone." He was stiff as a board, pushed away, had poor eye contact, and already suffered with night terrors and nightmares. But, the same stubborn determination that likely contributed to his early birth and his survival in those early months remained. This little guy fought to learn to breastfeed, fought to bond and trust, fought to crawl, to walk, even to eat. He fought to get work through serious sensory issues. He screamed (literally) when the physical, occupational, and speech therapists worked his stiff muscles, molded his little body into crawling position, then walking, put him through obstacle courses to work on his coordination and balance. He threw a fit when he was put in a swing to work on sensitivity and balance issues. He yelled and refused to cooperate when the OT worked with him on feeding issues and getting his tiny mouth to get used to food textures, learn how to chew properly, and take decent bites. But, he worked hard, he learned, and 2-1/2 years later, he was finally released from all early intervention therapy services.
This little boy is my hero. He inspires me every day to fight for what matters in my life. Today, he is well-adjusted, happy, and firmly bonded with us. He has faced and overcome more things than most children meet in their entire lives.
God blessed us with this precious and unexpected gift. Then, he has allowed us to watch him grow, learn, overcome, and thrive. Look around you, you may find ordinary, everyday heroes in your own family or friends. Let them inspire you!
