Unfortunately, just as we were finishing the house, the market began to take a slight downward turn. In the last one to two years it has bottomed out. What this means is we have never been able to get the financing we wanted originally, and we have had to work more in order to keep up with the monthly payments.
In recent weeks, we have begun to realize this was not what we wanted. We never planned to simply work for our house. We have become more and more aware of the ways we would rather be spending our time - Civil Air Patrol, the nonprofit maternity home I am helping to set up, and for me, simply being able to be a mom. Even though I do work from home, it is still work and still time I have to devote to work. I want to be able to be present as much as possible for my kids, both the ones currently in my home and the ones we know God is still bringing to us.
So, we have begun to pray about ways we can cut expenses, things we can do to be able to work less (meaning only Dave's regular job without the paper route we have been doing, and me being able to continue to work part-time). This would also enable us to pay off some debt we want to be rid of, and to pursue the things God has put on our hearts. This has been a difficult process for us, one that has entailed letting go and even giving up on our dreams. So, we have prayed about and made some difficult decisions regarding this house we worked so hard for. It has been bittersweet, but with it has come great peace.
And then, within hours and days of the decision, we have received confirmation from different sources and people. I received a text message twice in one week with this quote (words not exact, but you'll get my meaning). "When God takes something from our hands...he is opening them up to receive something better." Dave received the following "On this day God wants you to know..." message on Facebook (an application we both use:
"On this day God wants you to know...that beginnings are only possible where there are endings. Clear acknowledged endings are as necessary to intelligible life, as pauses between notes to intelligible music. Although endings sometimes feel like the end of you, take them for what they really are - the end of a stage in your life. Here is to new beginnings!"
Finally, a couple of days ago we received this from an acquaintance. This is somebody who knows us, but not well enough to know our hearts in regard to family and adoption. Her words made us laugh and cry. It was more confirmation for not only the recent decisions we have made, but our hearts for adoption, as well. And, in light of the critical words spoken to me by a family member this past summer, they were also the encouragement I desperately needed.
"The picture I see is massive! It is like a "Family Reunion" type of picture. It starts small, like a very tight zoom on just Laura & Dave. Then it increases to you & Dave are at the center with the kids all around you. There are 10 kids that are creating a circle around you. The zoom button is hit again & you see even more. Behind each of the kids is a group that represents their biological families, some small, some very large!. (This is where it looks kinda weird). Laura & Dave have arms that grow. First they go around each other, just the two of you. While still holding each other, then they go around each kid, individually & then as a group. Without letting go of anyone, then they bend & twist to go all the way around the back of the families like you are giving a big group hug to encompass all of them. It is a picture of your influence on these people, some you don't even know, as well as the ones you directly affect - the kids.
Then the it is like I am zooming out further & over the top of you all is this shining cloud with big muscular arms that are coming out of it going directly into Laura & Dave so that your arms can do what they do. Then it is like there are lots of other arms, all different lengths & levels of strength, coming out of the sides of the cloud that are holding all of you on a plane that is increasing in size as each one comes into the gates of your plane. There is no fence with the gate, just two posts that have a sign that reads "Furniss Love Arena"
The # of kids is what I was questioning God about, because I know there aren't 10 right now, but he repeatedly gave me 10. When I asked God for revelation to the vision, I got the picture of the water drop hitting the water & creating the circles of influence in the shape of a heart. I believe it is a circle created from the love the two of you have for each other going out to affect those you don't even know you are affecting. Your sphere of influence is ever increasing and growing, even when you don't realize it. The cloud of course represents God & his arms of love that are extending down to you and then out from you. His arms are like a big muscle builders arms, very strong & He is giving you that strength as you do what He has called you to do. The arms coming out of the sides of the cloud are those who are supporting you in prayer, helping to hold up God's work in you. There are arms you don't recognize as well as ones you know well.
That is what I have seen. I pray it gives confirmation or is confirmed in your hearts & lives!"
So, with renewed faith, with renewed energy, with renewed vision, we start out on a new adventure in 2011. We are excited to continue to see what God is doing in our lives.
And, for those of you who don't understand this strong desire we have to adopt, take a look at this video:
Hope is Fading from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.
