What Really Matters...

I am stepping out in boldness and faith today. After the events of the past few weeks, I have learned that I no longer need to be afraid of what others who may, or may not, read my blog will think. This is who I am, who God created me to be, and I can stand firm and strong in who I am in Him. What anyone else thinks just simply does not matter.

I have had some very harsh, very untrue things spoken over and to me in recent weeks. None of this is new; somebody just finally had the guts to say it to my face - if e-mail counts as to my face. What really made the situation seem worse is that these are things that are truly believed about me by family members whom I thought I was once close to. I wonder now if there ever really was a relationship with any of them.

But, I have learned a few things from this situation, and that is what this blog post is about. I want to share what God has shown me, both about my family and about myself.

1. These words have NO POWER over me. The authority to speak into someone's life comes from relationship and truth. These are women who do not even know who I am anymore, whose perceptions of me are based on things that happened 10, 20, and 30 years ago, and who have done nothing to maintain any kind of a relationship with me. Even if whatever they perceived I did actually happened, none of them have come to me and asked me about any of them. They continue to talk behind my back, make me the "family joke" (not my words, theirs), and choose to believe whatever they want to about me. And it really doesn't matter to me, not anymore. They have NO POWER or authority over my life.

2. I know who I am IN CHRIST. That is all that matters. Nobody else's mold was made for me. I am who I am, and I am that person in Him. My responses and reactions have been made in the light of His love, to the best of my weak human ability (through His strength), but these who do not walk with Him cannot and will not see that.

3. I am NEITHER A CHILD nor an EXTENSION OF MY MOTHER. I am an adult, an individual person, and who God made me to be. Those who think I should be like my mother neither know me, or her, very well. They do not know everything that happened in the past, or what has been said behind closed doors. Even so, I have no need to defend myself. I am who I am in Him.

4. The main attacks have been against my parenting and our adoptions, and simply the fact that I AM a parent. The feeling that I should never have been a parent was unfounded and, again, based on lies and untruth. It was also not anybody's choice but mine and my husband's. Here are a few thoughts and truths about my parenting and children.

- The choice to be parents was mine and my husband's, nobody else's. It has also always been our choice and ours alone about HOW we became parents, and about how MANY children we have in our family. We are answerable ONLY to God in this, and, in fact, He is our guide in these choices.

- A couple of these relatives have never had children, and therefore know nothing about being a parent. No child is perfect, and no parent is perfect. I never claimed I was or that my children were. Therefore, the standard they are holding me to is unrealistic and unfair.

- HOW we raise our children is also our choice, as is how we reward or discipline, all choices made in regards to them and their past, present, and future. Also, even these relatives who do have children have not adopted, nor do they know the slightest bit about adoption of any kind, international, private placement, or otherwise. Therefore, questioning how we ever became parents is also unfounded, and is based in more untruth and ignorance, as is questioning or criticizing how we parent.

- Finally, if the whole slew of professionals who have worked with our children and/or our family in the past and present - including three social workers, three therapists, a psychiatrist (necessary for an evaluation which was required for one of our adoptions), adoption officials in three countries, plus the church leaders, pastors, school officials and teachers, and even the friends who actually spend time with us and KNOW us - do not see anything that causes them worry about our being parents, what makes these relatives, who neither maintain contact or know ANYTHING about me think they know something nobody else does?

Before any of them have the right to pass judgements about myself or my husband or anything we have done, the right and courteous thing to do would be to get to actually KNOW us. Learn who I am, what I have become, where my goals are leading me. Learn what is on my heart, why I do what I do, and what God has done in me. Take the time to get to know my husband and what an incredible man of God he is, full of compassion, patience, strength and truth. And, finally, be willing to hear the truth, to talk about perceptions of things that occurred in the past, to maybe find out what has really gone on, and to let the past, stay in the past.

Instead, they chose to continue to walk in lies, to think they know who I am, and to believe what they chose to believe about me. But the biggest thing I have learned in recent weeks is this: IT DOESN'T MATTER, AND THEY DON'T MATTER. Life is too short to spend trying to have relationships with people who don't want them and who have no respect for me, trying to reconcile with people who continue to harbor anger, and trying to be open and honest with people who do not want the truth and chose to believe what they do.

I know who my true friends are, and I know who my true family is. They are the ones who love and accept me. They are the ones who know me, my husband, and my children. They are the ones who matter, and they are the ones I chose to surround myself with.

I know who I am IN CHRIST. I know the healing he has brought to me, the growth, the wisdom, the revelation. I know His call on my life. I know his plans for us in regards to adoption and parenting. I know that, through Him, I can face whatever comes my way. I know He is the source of my strength, my energy, my wisdom, my peace. And I truly am at peace, because of Him.

And, I know that he WILL bring us more children. Not because I am a perfect parent, and not because He will bring me perfect children, but because He has called us to this title of "Mom" or "Dad," and because He has prepared our hearts and our minds for the task; and because He has brought us healing, peace, redemption, and new life, so we can help Him bring it to the children he entrusts to us.

And in the end, that is all that really matters.