Another Mother's Day is here. It is one of my favorite holidays now, but not that many years ago, it was the most dreaded. I would either avoid church on Mother's Day completely, or find a way to be anywhere BUT in the actual service if I was there. Even though this holiday is now one of joy for me, a part of me still approaches it with a mixture of thoughts and emotions. In order to share these, I am taking a tremendous risk for myself and opening wide the doors to vulnerability. I am baring my heart, taking the risk that others may not understand, may not take what I desire to say with the heart it is meant, but I am going to do it anyway.

I have known the pain of infertility. And I have known the joy of motherhood. The two emotions will always be inseparable in my mind and heart. And in this mix of competing emotions, I want to honor mothers with different stories and backgrounds.

First off all, for those mothers still in the midst of loss and infertility, I know first hand how extremely painful this day is. I know the pain, the anger, the frustration at your body's inability to work the way God intended it to. I know the agony of month after month after month, not having the one desire of your heart come to fulfillment. I can honestly say that that pain will never go away, but in time, God will use it, and He will birth in you something out of those broken pieces of your life, and that pain will become less as He becomes more. For now, I do not want to give cliches and platitudes that you have probably already heard. If you are like I was when I was in the midst of that, you don't need or want to hear them, anyway. I will say this, though: I understand. And it's okay to be angry and hurt. I call you mothers anyway, because God has still given you the heart of a mother. In His time and in His way, He will show you what He has for you in that area. I love you and I honor you.

For those mothers who have experienced the loss of a child of any age, I cannot imagine your pain. I experienced a similar loss myself for a brief time before my youngest finally became mine, before I knew God still intended for him to be with me, but I won't pretend to know or understand your loss and pain daily. I honor you, and I respect your loss and pain. I understand that nothing anybody can say will ever take it away, the loss will always be very real, and I want you to know, it is okay and I honor you.

For those mothers who have chosen to place a child for adoption, words cannot express the degree of respect and admiration I have for you. Don't ever let anyone tell you you were wrong, that you made a poor choice, or that you "gave up" your child. I hate those words, "gave up." You did not give up anything, you made a choice for your child, one made out of great love and great sacrifice, NOT out of selfishness. You deserve honor and respect. I know nothing can ever replace the hole in your heart that will always be there for your children. But I want you to know, as an adoptive mother, how your sacrifice has blessed me, and others like me. You will always be your child's mother, whether or not you raise them, regardless of the amount of contact you may or may not have now, and I thank you for being willing to share your children with us. I honor you.

For those who became mothers through adoption, it can be so frustrating to see this holiday become focused around pregnancy and birth. It can be incredibly painful to feel like your motherhood is somehow not as important as those who birthed their children. But yet, you ARE mothers. God ordained each of your children to be yours from the moment of conception. He planned for them to be yours. It doesn't matter how long it took before they were yours, or what you had to go through to get them. You are mothers, equally as much as those who birthed their children. It does not take growing a child in your womb, birthing them into being, or having their blood run through your veins. They are yours, your very own. And even though you are a mother now through adoption, it's still okay to feel the loss and frustration over being unable to conceive. It doesn't mean you love your children any less, and it does not make you any less of a mother. Those who are mothers through both birth and adoption, I know most of you will attest to the fact that you do not view your children through the eyes of "biological" or "adopted." Those boundaries do not exist in your eyes. You love them all equally, and you are highly honored as mothers.

For those whose who are mothers to children who were older when they joined your family, this is for you. Those who have not adopted older children will never understand this, and some may find some of what I am going to say offensive or misunderstand, but that is okay. You know where I am coming from. For those of you who have welcomed wounded, hurting children into your families, for those whose children have rejected your love, for those of you who have wondered if you made a mistake, or if you have even disliked your child at times, or wondered if the bond and healing will ever come, you are honored. God has made you a mother of a different kind, one who choses to love even when that love is not returned, one who choses to be a mother even when the "feelings" are not there. I pray for His peace over you and your children, for healing and redemption. Your children are no longer orphans. You could not prevent the hurt and abandonment and abuse your children experienced, but I know God can use you to bring healing and peace. I honor you.

I honor all of you, mothers by birth, mothers by adoption, and mothers in heart. May you be blessed today.