Furniss Newsletter 11/19/2010

This is the first adoption newsletter we sent out today via email.

As many of you know, we are currently in the process of adopting another baby, a sibling to our Timothy. This baby boy (it looks like, that has already changed once) is due in February, but may be early as Timothy was. Continued prayers for him to continue to stay in the womb as long as possible would be appreciated, as well as for the adoption to go through. We fully realize, especially based on what happened with Timothy, that this may fall through again, but are stepping out in faith anyway and trusting that God has the best plan for this baby.

We are also feeling called to pursue another international adoption. We met two girls from Colombia this summer during the Summer of Hope program (the same program our Katiana and Jenalyn came through). We were not really planning on going in this direction at this time, but God has a way of changing hearts and making His will clear. We have been approved to have contact with the girls while we pursue their adoptions. This is no guarantee of adoption, but is still a step nonetheless. Kelly Johanna is currently 11 years old, and her sister Ana Maria just turned 10. They are both beautiful, sparkling young ladies whom we look forward to inviting into our family in the near future.



Right now, we are focusing on the paperwork for the baby's adoption. Once that is finished, we will begin the process for the girls' adoptions. In the meantime, we have come up with or been suggested some very creative fundraising opportunities. We will need to raise the funds once again for the international adoption.

We have come under criticism recently for both our fundraising efforts AND the fact that we have adopted in the first place and want to do so again (specifically by some family members, who will not be receiving this, or any other messages from us). However, we believe this is still what we are supposed to do, and we still believe that our God, the Father of the fatherless, has a plan for these orphans that He has brought into our lives. That being said, if you are not interested in being on this email news list, please let us know. We only want to keep those of you informed who are interested in these exciting changes in our lives.

We will also update through our blog, http://www.lfurniss.blogspot.com, and for those of you on Facebook, on there also.

In the meantime, while we do not expect anything from any of you (except maybe for continued prayer support and encouragement), those of you who are interested in the fundraising aspect of this adventure do have the opportunity, if you feel so led, to take a look at a couple of fundraisers we are currently organizing and starting to promote.

The first one we are quite excited about. Just Love Coffee Roasters sells high quality, organic, free trade coffees. Proceeds from their sales go towards building schools for older children in Ethiopia. They also have a fundraising program we have signed up for. We receive proceeds of $5 for every bag of coffee or T-shirt sold, $3 per travel mug, tote bag, or hat, and $1 per coffee scoop. Just Love Coffee runs the website and tracks the sales for us and sends us the proceeds monthly. We have set a goal of 2000 bags of coffee sold. That website is

www.justlovecoffee.com/furniss

You can place your order there directly and the coffee will be shipped to you, or you can place an order through us and we will have it shipped to you.

The second fundraiser involves this puzzle:



We are selling the pieces of this puzzle for $1 a piece. When a piece is purchased, the name of the buyer will be written on the back of the puzzle piece. We will assemble the puzzle as pieces are sold and when all the pieces are gone and the puzzle fully assembled, it will be framed on both sides so both sides can be viewed. This will then hang in our house as a reminder of all who helped bring these girls home into their forever family.

We do have some other fundraising options that we will pursue at a later date, and are always open to more creative ideas that anyone has. Once we have our international home study completed for the girls, we will be able to pursue adoption grant options, also.

For those who would rather just make a direct, tax-deductible donation, you can always send payment directly to:

The Sacred Portion Children's Outreach
7104 Bristol Lane
Bozeman, MT 59715

Designate it to us on a SEPARATE PIECE OF PAPER (IRS rules), not on the check, and it will go directly into our funds there.
Thank you to all of you who have encouraged and supported us in the past, and who continue to do so as we travel this road again. It is exciting to see the healing and restoration God has brought to our children, and we are excited about being His tool for this purpose once again. We will send updates every few weeks as things progress.

What's Next...

Wow, it blows my mind to think about what God may be doing next in our family. He really does have the best intentions and plans for us, far better than we ever expected for ourselves.

Timothy was our miracle adoption, in so many ways. With three older children already, we just were not good candidates for a private infant adoption, as many birthmothers, I am told, tend to chose parents with fewer kids for their babies, and that is with the agencies that even allow infant adoption with more than 2 children in the home. Some do chose large families, but it is not as common. And we have not had any desire or felt led to do foster adoption. So, I always joked with God that if we were to have a baby in our home, He would have to literally drop one into our lap.

That is exactly what happened with Timothy. He was the unexpected, miraculous, much-desired baby for this mother's arms and heart. We went through an unplanned, incredibly difficult time to get him after he was born, and really believed that it was not going to happen after all, but when it finally did...it really does feel like all the heartache and struggle was so worth it! Not to mention the incredible things God taught me about Him and myself through it. I will never forget them.



So, here we are now, 2-1/2 years after Timothy's birth, faced with the possibility that it could happen again! I have not shared this with many yet, as we are approaching the situation so cautiously right now based on past experiences, but we are in a place now of beginning to share it more openly. There are still a few months to go before this second baby's birth, and still so many things that have to fall into place, by God's hand, if it is truly to be. But, when I allow myself to get excited, I can hardly contain myself. We could have another baby in just a few months' time!

But, that does not seem to be all God is doing in our family right now. Once we know for sure about the baby, whether he or she does indeed become a part of our family or God chooses otherwise, it looks like we will start down the road of international adoption once again.

I have had my heart set on a sibling group from Philippines, one from my daughter's orphanage there, but God seems to be saying "not now" with them. Instead, he has turned our hearts to a country I said I would not adopt from, simply because of the length of time required in-country. In the way God seems to be bringing about all of our adoption journeys, he has said yes to my never. ("I will never adopt older children. I will never adopt a child with attachment issues. I will never adopt a teenager." Ha! We have done all three of those!).

Right now, it seems like such a daunting, overwhelming prospect. We know that, as in our past adoptions, this is a God-sized undertaking that He will have to bring about. In our human capacity, we just cannot do it. We do need to take care of a couple of other financial responsibilities first that He has asked us to take care of. Again, we are trusting Him to show us the way. (He actually already has, now we need to step out despite our fears and just get it done!).

This time around, I am also really struggling with others - as in, others' opinions and fear of those opinions. I know that I know that I know that we are in God's will, but in light of these recent attacks on me by family members, attacks on my parenting and our being able to adopt in the first place, I am a bit gun-shy, so to speak. These attacks were based on untruths and inaccurate information, and they have no power over me or who I am in Christ. Yet, they still shook me to my core when they happened. God is bringing me peace and healing in this, and I know He will still reign in the end. Please pray with and for me as we step out in His will despite this.

And please pray for our sweet girls in Colombia. Kelly and Ana are currently 11 and 9 years of age. We have begun the preliminary steps to pursue their adoptions, but know it will take some time to be able to move forward with the majority of the paperwork in the process. Please continue to pray that God's hand will be on us and them over the next months, and that His will be done in our lives and in theirs.

Big, but exciting changes here!

School started last week. My oldest two are seniors. Hard to believe, especially when I have not had the privilege of being their parents for long. Alex has been here for nearly 6-1/2 years, and Jenalyn only for three. Still, I am enjoying it, and will get to be "Mama" even when the are grown and gone. Aren't they beautiful (handsome?) on their first day of school?



Alex is a stunter (?) for the cheerleading squad this year, and Jenalyn will finish out her high school career in speech and drama again.



My little Katiana is a beautiful 14-year-old eighth grader this year. She is home schooling again, and is really starting to learn study skills well. She has come a long way in the 6-1/2 years she has been here, especially in the past six months. We are quite proud of her.



Timothy is almost 2-1/2, and is finally in his own bedroom. It took a little shuffling around and moving Alex into a closed-off area at the end of the bonus room, then turning his bedroom into Timothy's bedroom, but we think it turned out well. He has spent the last three nights there and has done pretty well, better than we expected. It helps that he loves his room!

For now, all of our furniture is back in our bedroom, and we are enjoying having it back. At the same time, we are cautiously awaiting the strong possibility of a new little one in a few months. After our last experience, we are a little nervous about it and approaching it a bit more reservedly than before, yet trusting that God will still bring it about if it is His will. We know he is bigger than our hopes and dreams, and He holds the life of this precious little one in His hands.

What Really Matters...

I am stepping out in boldness and faith today. After the events of the past few weeks, I have learned that I no longer need to be afraid of what others who may, or may not, read my blog will think. This is who I am, who God created me to be, and I can stand firm and strong in who I am in Him. What anyone else thinks just simply does not matter.

I have had some very harsh, very untrue things spoken over and to me in recent weeks. None of this is new; somebody just finally had the guts to say it to my face - if e-mail counts as to my face. What really made the situation seem worse is that these are things that are truly believed about me by family members whom I thought I was once close to. I wonder now if there ever really was a relationship with any of them.

But, I have learned a few things from this situation, and that is what this blog post is about. I want to share what God has shown me, both about my family and about myself.

1. These words have NO POWER over me. The authority to speak into someone's life comes from relationship and truth. These are women who do not even know who I am anymore, whose perceptions of me are based on things that happened 10, 20, and 30 years ago, and who have done nothing to maintain any kind of a relationship with me. Even if whatever they perceived I did actually happened, none of them have come to me and asked me about any of them. They continue to talk behind my back, make me the "family joke" (not my words, theirs), and choose to believe whatever they want to about me. And it really doesn't matter to me, not anymore. They have NO POWER or authority over my life.

2. I know who I am IN CHRIST. That is all that matters. Nobody else's mold was made for me. I am who I am, and I am that person in Him. My responses and reactions have been made in the light of His love, to the best of my weak human ability (through His strength), but these who do not walk with Him cannot and will not see that.

3. I am NEITHER A CHILD nor an EXTENSION OF MY MOTHER. I am an adult, an individual person, and who God made me to be. Those who think I should be like my mother neither know me, or her, very well. They do not know everything that happened in the past, or what has been said behind closed doors. Even so, I have no need to defend myself. I am who I am in Him.

4. The main attacks have been against my parenting and our adoptions, and simply the fact that I AM a parent. The feeling that I should never have been a parent was unfounded and, again, based on lies and untruth. It was also not anybody's choice but mine and my husband's. Here are a few thoughts and truths about my parenting and children.

- The choice to be parents was mine and my husband's, nobody else's. It has also always been our choice and ours alone about HOW we became parents, and about how MANY children we have in our family. We are answerable ONLY to God in this, and, in fact, He is our guide in these choices.

- A couple of these relatives have never had children, and therefore know nothing about being a parent. No child is perfect, and no parent is perfect. I never claimed I was or that my children were. Therefore, the standard they are holding me to is unrealistic and unfair.

- HOW we raise our children is also our choice, as is how we reward or discipline, all choices made in regards to them and their past, present, and future. Also, even these relatives who do have children have not adopted, nor do they know the slightest bit about adoption of any kind, international, private placement, or otherwise. Therefore, questioning how we ever became parents is also unfounded, and is based in more untruth and ignorance, as is questioning or criticizing how we parent.

- Finally, if the whole slew of professionals who have worked with our children and/or our family in the past and present - including three social workers, three therapists, a psychiatrist (necessary for an evaluation which was required for one of our adoptions), adoption officials in three countries, plus the church leaders, pastors, school officials and teachers, and even the friends who actually spend time with us and KNOW us - do not see anything that causes them worry about our being parents, what makes these relatives, who neither maintain contact or know ANYTHING about me think they know something nobody else does?

Before any of them have the right to pass judgements about myself or my husband or anything we have done, the right and courteous thing to do would be to get to actually KNOW us. Learn who I am, what I have become, where my goals are leading me. Learn what is on my heart, why I do what I do, and what God has done in me. Take the time to get to know my husband and what an incredible man of God he is, full of compassion, patience, strength and truth. And, finally, be willing to hear the truth, to talk about perceptions of things that occurred in the past, to maybe find out what has really gone on, and to let the past, stay in the past.

Instead, they chose to continue to walk in lies, to think they know who I am, and to believe what they chose to believe about me. But the biggest thing I have learned in recent weeks is this: IT DOESN'T MATTER, AND THEY DON'T MATTER. Life is too short to spend trying to have relationships with people who don't want them and who have no respect for me, trying to reconcile with people who continue to harbor anger, and trying to be open and honest with people who do not want the truth and chose to believe what they do.

I know who my true friends are, and I know who my true family is. They are the ones who love and accept me. They are the ones who know me, my husband, and my children. They are the ones who matter, and they are the ones I chose to surround myself with.

I know who I am IN CHRIST. I know the healing he has brought to me, the growth, the wisdom, the revelation. I know His call on my life. I know his plans for us in regards to adoption and parenting. I know that, through Him, I can face whatever comes my way. I know He is the source of my strength, my energy, my wisdom, my peace. And I truly am at peace, because of Him.

And, I know that he WILL bring us more children. Not because I am a perfect parent, and not because He will bring me perfect children, but because He has called us to this title of "Mom" or "Dad," and because He has prepared our hearts and our minds for the task; and because He has brought us healing, peace, redemption, and new life, so we can help Him bring it to the children he entrusts to us.

And in the end, that is all that really matters.

Healing Hands

When I began training to become a certified birth doula, I had to think of a name for my business. My husband suggested "Healing Hands Doula Services," which evolved into "Healing Hands Birth Services." I had had a prophetic word spoken over me that I would have "healing hands," and he thought this was a good name for my business. But, I was not sure what it meant, or even what to think of it.

I had a revelation recently as to what my goals as a doula really were, and what my name meant.

As I have studied all things pregnancy and birth related, read every book and magazine I can get my hands on, and researched things on the Internet, I have seen and heard and learned more about birth as a life-changing moment in a woman's life. Childbirth is the transition to becoming a mother, to becoming a family. It can be a painful and tragic experience, or it can be a healing and empowering experience. I want to be used by God, and to be available to help women and families to find their own paths to this healing and empowerment.

"Birth as healing?" you may ask. "Healing from what?" Well, how about for those women who have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whose bodies are an image of pain, loss of control, and disempowerment? How about women whose previous birth experiences did not go as they had planned, or experienced unexpected trauma or even abuse during childbirth? How about women who have lost a child in pregnancy, birth, or during childhood? How about even those women who are unsupported in pregnancy and birth, or those who make the sacrificial choice to place a child for adoption? Or those who have gone through years of infertility?

All of these are women who can experience incredible healing and joy during their pregnancies and in childbirth, and who can walk away feeling powerful, strong, and renewed. I want to be the guide, the encourager, the information-giver, the cheering squad, or whatever else I can be to help them to get there.

Another Mother's Day is here. It is one of my favorite holidays now, but not that many years ago, it was the most dreaded. I would either avoid church on Mother's Day completely, or find a way to be anywhere BUT in the actual service if I was there. Even though this holiday is now one of joy for me, a part of me still approaches it with a mixture of thoughts and emotions. In order to share these, I am taking a tremendous risk for myself and opening wide the doors to vulnerability. I am baring my heart, taking the risk that others may not understand, may not take what I desire to say with the heart it is meant, but I am going to do it anyway.

I have known the pain of infertility. And I have known the joy of motherhood. The two emotions will always be inseparable in my mind and heart. And in this mix of competing emotions, I want to honor mothers with different stories and backgrounds.

First off all, for those mothers still in the midst of loss and infertility, I know first hand how extremely painful this day is. I know the pain, the anger, the frustration at your body's inability to work the way God intended it to. I know the agony of month after month after month, not having the one desire of your heart come to fulfillment. I can honestly say that that pain will never go away, but in time, God will use it, and He will birth in you something out of those broken pieces of your life, and that pain will become less as He becomes more. For now, I do not want to give cliches and platitudes that you have probably already heard. If you are like I was when I was in the midst of that, you don't need or want to hear them, anyway. I will say this, though: I understand. And it's okay to be angry and hurt. I call you mothers anyway, because God has still given you the heart of a mother. In His time and in His way, He will show you what He has for you in that area. I love you and I honor you.

For those mothers who have experienced the loss of a child of any age, I cannot imagine your pain. I experienced a similar loss myself for a brief time before my youngest finally became mine, before I knew God still intended for him to be with me, but I won't pretend to know or understand your loss and pain daily. I honor you, and I respect your loss and pain. I understand that nothing anybody can say will ever take it away, the loss will always be very real, and I want you to know, it is okay and I honor you.

For those mothers who have chosen to place a child for adoption, words cannot express the degree of respect and admiration I have for you. Don't ever let anyone tell you you were wrong, that you made a poor choice, or that you "gave up" your child. I hate those words, "gave up." You did not give up anything, you made a choice for your child, one made out of great love and great sacrifice, NOT out of selfishness. You deserve honor and respect. I know nothing can ever replace the hole in your heart that will always be there for your children. But I want you to know, as an adoptive mother, how your sacrifice has blessed me, and others like me. You will always be your child's mother, whether or not you raise them, regardless of the amount of contact you may or may not have now, and I thank you for being willing to share your children with us. I honor you.

For those who became mothers through adoption, it can be so frustrating to see this holiday become focused around pregnancy and birth. It can be incredibly painful to feel like your motherhood is somehow not as important as those who birthed their children. But yet, you ARE mothers. God ordained each of your children to be yours from the moment of conception. He planned for them to be yours. It doesn't matter how long it took before they were yours, or what you had to go through to get them. You are mothers, equally as much as those who birthed their children. It does not take growing a child in your womb, birthing them into being, or having their blood run through your veins. They are yours, your very own. And even though you are a mother now through adoption, it's still okay to feel the loss and frustration over being unable to conceive. It doesn't mean you love your children any less, and it does not make you any less of a mother. Those who are mothers through both birth and adoption, I know most of you will attest to the fact that you do not view your children through the eyes of "biological" or "adopted." Those boundaries do not exist in your eyes. You love them all equally, and you are highly honored as mothers.

For those whose who are mothers to children who were older when they joined your family, this is for you. Those who have not adopted older children will never understand this, and some may find some of what I am going to say offensive or misunderstand, but that is okay. You know where I am coming from. For those of you who have welcomed wounded, hurting children into your families, for those whose children have rejected your love, for those of you who have wondered if you made a mistake, or if you have even disliked your child at times, or wondered if the bond and healing will ever come, you are honored. God has made you a mother of a different kind, one who choses to love even when that love is not returned, one who choses to be a mother even when the "feelings" are not there. I pray for His peace over you and your children, for healing and redemption. Your children are no longer orphans. You could not prevent the hurt and abandonment and abuse your children experienced, but I know God can use you to bring healing and peace. I honor you.

I honor all of you, mothers by birth, mothers by adoption, and mothers in heart. May you be blessed today.

Adoption as Redemption

"People use the same excuses as to why they can't adopt as those who are aborting their children. We are all asking, 'How will this affect my time?' and 'How will this affect my money?'... The church can tell people they should not abort their children because it's morally wrong, but then we have to be the solution and say, 'I will take your baby.' -Derek Loux"

I ran across this quote on Orphan Justice Center's Facebook page. It really caught my eye and tugged at my heart strings. Then, as I looked through OJC's web page, I came across this:

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can't even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like [our children] will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to [them]...but [they] will live in the fruit of it...I will never expect [them] to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch [them] live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being in my family. This is how our heavenly "Papa" feels towards us." -Derek Loux

Wow, adoption as redemption! I have, before now, not been able to put this into words, but this hit me right in my adoption heart! This is the call for adoption God has placed on our heart, on our lives.

Adopting older children who have had a life and a past, who have hurts and losses that are not our fault, is extremely challenging. It has been the most challenging, most frustrating, most aggravating experience of our lives. It has also been, without any doubt, the most rewarding. When we began to see God's healing and redemption in the lives of our children, we know in that moment it has been worth it.

We will adopt again. We know God is not finished with us yet. We know he has more children to bring healing and redemption to through us. We know He will continue to use us in our present children's lives, and in our future children. We know there are more children out there that He wants to bring hope, life, and a future to, and He will use us to do it.

I am ready, Father God. Bring them on!

New Year

I don't make New Year's resolutions. I just don't like to commit to doing something simply because it is a new year. Commitments can be made year-round, as I feel God leading me to change in an area or step out into something new, not just at the beginning of the year.

That being said, the new year is a good time to reflect back on the previous year, take stock of what I did, what I wanted to do and didn't, and re-evaluate goals and dreams. As my toddler is getting older and is less clingy and more willing to play and entertain himself for short periods of time, I have short intervals where I can start to do some of those things I have not been able to do since he came along. And, I can start some of those things I have wanted to, but just simply haven't gotten to yet.

First goal of this year: Get healthy again. My chronic illnesses have not been very well under control for some time, partly due to the financial strain we have been under in the past year. I just have not been able to afford many of the things I was doing on a regular basis to manage my symptoms. But, I can watch how I eat, I can start taking my vitamins, and I can start exercising again. Hard to do with chronic fatigue, but I know that as I make the effort to do just a little at a time, my energy will increase.

Second goal: Start writing again. Even if it is just two to three days a week, even if it is just this blog, even if it is simple note taking and brainstorming some of the many ideas tumbling through my head, it's time to start writing again. Time to take this off the back burner and work it into my schedule once more.

Third goal: Build our business. This one is the scariest for me, the one that seems the most impossible as it takes me so far out of my comfort zone, my stomach ties in knots just thinking about it! But, if we can persist, if we can step forward despite the fears and difficulties this brings about for us - the financial and time freedom we will be well worth it. Paying off debt, being financially secure, and having the time to devote to things like my writing - oh, those are worthy goals!

So, as a new year begins, a new phase of life begins. May I glorify God in it!